Why Kids Are Assholes-Part Five

Sleep

All I want is to sleep is peace…. All day long my day is filled with requests from the little people that live here…get me milk! I want a banana!  Now can I have a cookie? I’m still hungry, I want a cheesestick. Please play tea cups. Wipe my butt. Scratch my butt. Smell my [...]

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The Big Bug

As you all remember, my husband and kids have all been sick as fuck the last few weeks and I’m just starting to get my shit back together… And when Eric was sick that pretty much made me his little bitch to do his bidding, which is why I was at Taco Bell at 8:30 [...]

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No, I Am Not Dead

In two weeks I’ve showered five times. The hair on my legs was so long I could braid it. Small animals could have nested in Veronica…yes, she was that funky…last time Eric visited there he got lost… I’ve made almost nothing but nuggets, spaghetti, and eggs for dinner. Why? Because my house had been turned [...]

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Effective Birth Control For Your Four Year Old

Hopemarried

Hope got married a few weeks ago at preschool. I know, I was surprised too, but both her and JJ planned it out, she wanted to wear one of her pretty dresses to school the day of the ceremony and JJ showed up all dressed up too and also raided his very own piggy bank [...]

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La Penis Loca

Penis guitar

I’ve already covered why vaginas are far superior to the penis. The odd, hangy, junk out for everyone to see penis… And yet I have a new reason… A reason, that if I only had little girls, would never ever ever ever ever have happened… Why? Because vaginas are nice and tucked away, like my [...]

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Please Find Jesus

That was the header of the email I received a few weeks ago.  At first I assumed it was spam even though it made it into my regular inbox,  and though I figured that as soon as I opened it my computer would blow up, I’m glad to say report that I’m in fact typing [...]

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