Today in church I was reminded of what a horrible selfish bitch I actually am.

Not that I like to pretend that I’m perfect*, but I usually leave service feeling pretty awesome….

It started off nicely, about how we need to respect our elders, take care of those who need help in their old age, blah blah blah…the whole time I’m thinking yeah, I’ve got this shit in the bag…score one for Holly!  Heaven-get ready for when this bitch comes….

Then the sermon takes a turn…and the pastor starts talking about single moms…how single moms really appreciate any sort of help given and then listed out some ways one could help…such as a cash gift or gift card to the grocery store, or going over and mowing the lawn, or inviting the family over for a meal…

And my stomach started going into uncomfortable knots…

Because apparently I’m a heartless bitch…and that shocked me…I didn’t understand why I was having such a strong internal reaction…

I always donate gift cards during the holiday season to single mothers through our church and help plan the gift drive for our local women’s shelter…I am anything but bitchy about this sort of thing…what was going on? 

I was sitting listening to the pastor explain how we need to help those mothers and a rage was filling me…I didn’t see how it was fair that help was given to those people that put themselves in that situation….

Wow…am I a horrible person or what?

And the more I thought about it, the more I was surprised with myself….after all, my sister has been a single mom more often than not, having her first child in high school…and there are others in my family that have needed help and received it…

So I came home and I realized why I was so pissed…

Everything Eric and I have is because my husband has worked his ass off to get it…and don’t get me wrong, neither him nor I want to have to depend on anyone…but still…

I’m pissed.  But even though I’m pissed, it’s nice to know it’s not a general rage at helping those in need….

Because it’s not that I don’t want people to get the help they need, because one never knows when help will be needed for themselves, but sometimes I’m frustrated that there is no recognition for what my little family has accomplished…

Sure, Eric is told how great it is that the business is doing well, and I’m told how fabulous it is that I married such a great man…

But that’s it. There are none of the extras that other members of our families receive…no extra trips because the kids don’t go anywhere, no help buying a house because you’re outgrowing the one you currently live in…

I know…how awful am I? How selfish? I know I sound like a massive bitch…I should be counting my blessings….

And of course I do….I know how lucky we are that I’m able to stay home and Eric can provide for us…

But still…

It’s my blog and I can be a selfish bitch if I want to…

*awesome? hell yeah! perfect? not so much…sigh