Just In Case You Needed Reasons…

*this is one of my favorite guest posts I wrote, and I decided to share it with you guys, because everyone needs reminding of why I rock…duh…I’ve just had to tweak it a bit…you know….like nipples….

I assume that because you all are here it’s because you positively adore me….but just in case you ever find yourself wondering why the hell do I read that crazy bitch’s blog? I decided to give you a few reasons….

1. I’ve mastered the art of ignoring my children. Are you looking to have your children play alone or with their little friends while putting yourself into a caffeine induced coma with your fellow moms? Well then! You’ve found the right girl! Sure, there may be crayon on the carpet and walls, smushed up goldfish in the couch, and underwear getting flushed down the toilet…but if you’re relaxed from sitting on your butt, clean up will be a breeze!

2. One of my favorite words is vagina. Vagina Vagina Vagina!! And seriously? Who doesn’t love someone who drops the word vagina? Or has funny vagina stories? Like how mine was sad recently because she wasn’t getting enough attention?

3. I’m pretty.

4. I’m modest.

5. I’m a liar*.

6. I’m  overly fond of the word fuck…and some of my posts are filled with the expletives I keep cooped up inside all day so as not to piss away my husbands hard earned money on therapy for the kids. Everyone loves a friend with a filthy mouth, so be mine! And if you don’t like people who drop the F bomb, come over and read me anyway, you’ll leave having a sense of superiority you don’t deserve! So everyone wins! Yay!

7.  I have a big ass and if you want I’ll let you spank it…because real friends? Don’t mind getting grabby…

8. I’m super lazy, so if you’re my friend you’ll always feel better about the state of your home, how clean your car is,  and how put together your children are…because this mama? Is one hot mess most of the time**, so read my page, and you’ll always leave knowing that at least one person is worse off as you….

There you have it…why I rock and why you should be my friend…it’s a compelling list…why you’re not tweeting me random nonsense already I don’t know…so hop to it!

*which may not seem like a good trait, but when you ask me if your ass looks fat or if your children are Satan’s spawn I’ll always give you the answer you want to hear! Yay me!

**hey, these blog posts aren’t going to write themselves…

Wii! This Is Fun!

Blake loves to play the Wii…look at him, doesn’t he look like he’s having fun?

Yay! I love the Wii!

I know, what a mean mom I am for taking that picture…

He usually doesn’t break down while playing, but he was stuck in Super Mario Galaxy 2…and he was getting super frustrated….

So I did what any good mother would do…I put down my camera, wiped his tears away and tried to make him feel better…

Me: Blake, you’ve done so awesome so far with this game! Just relax, you’re going to beat the level…and besides-you’ve gotten way more far in this game than Mommy!  You’re doing so fantastic…

And through his sobs this was the response I got…

Blake: Mommy, of course I’m doing way better than you.  Kids are better than old people at Mario games.  And mom, you’re okay at playing the Wii, but the games you like are lame, so you won’t be as good as me here…

Wow…humble much?  I wonder where he picks up his narcissistic personality?

Oh, and for the record?  I kick some serious ass playing Harry Potter*….

*which isn’t lame, but super cool! yay! I rock!

**October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month, so go check out the post I wrote over at The Not So Secret Confessions of a Second Time Mom blabbing about Brooke…

 

If You Love Me You Will Follow

Hey guys guess what?!

I moved! Yeah! I’m a big girl now! Unfortunately, it hasn’t been without some bumps in the road…

My move to WordPress has left many of my wonderful, fabulous readers behind…and though my guy is diligently working on trying to remedy the situation, I don’t want any of my fabulous readers to go a day without laughing at me-er-with me, and my attempts of mothering my unruly brood, or just any of the crazy shit that happens in my daily life…

So please click here to go to my feed and resubscribe…

And for those of you who follow via GFC, it’s so crazy…but if you will unfollow and refollow, you will receive all of my posts from now on…

I know, I know…crazy! And like I said, it should be fixed shortly, but I miss you guys…sniff sniff…

Thanks guys…you know I love you!

Fantastic #Kindle #Giveaway

I know, two giveaways in a row…I obviously didn’t plan these out very well…sigh…but this is an awesome one to enter!  No worries, I have new posts about me and the amazing ways my kids destroy me coming right up…but without further delay….

Win a Kindle from the Blog & Social Media Boosters! Fill out the Rafflcopter Form Below. The first entry is to like all of the Facebook pages and counts as 50 entries. Like buttons for Facebook can be found here to make it easy. All of the Twitter buttons for 50 entries can be found on  The Reynolds Mom. Please enter on the Rafflecopter form below:

(more…)