Moms-They’re Better Than Dads- Vol.1

Duh, like we didn’t know that…but here’s an example of why exactly that’s a true statement…

Last week was curriculum night at the boy’s school, and since they do kindergarten, first, and second grade at once, followed the next hour by the rest of the grades, Eric and I had to split up…I took Jackie’s kindergarten class while Eric went to Blake’s first grade class to learn about what the boys are up to this year…

At the conclusion of the hour, we were each told to write a note to our kids that they could read the next morning, which they then brought home the next day and I could see what Eric wrote to Blake…

This is my note…

Hi Jack!

We are so proud of how awesome you are doing in kindergarten this year! Mommy and Daddy know how hard you are working on your letters and numbering and coloring in the lines, and it makes us so happy! We love you all the way to the moon! *smiley face* 

Mommy and Daddy

And this is Eric’s note to Blake…

Hi Blake, I had a fun time at your desk. Love Daddy

If this was a competition*, I clearly would have kicked Eric’s ass…

Moms…They’re Better Than Dads

*technically maybe it wasn’t a competition, but we all know who was the winner here…my note obviously was superior

**by the way, the winner of the La Jolla beauty products was Deanna from Everything and Nothing From Essex, number 96!

 

A Not So Great First Day of School

Freedom…

Sort of. Mostly.  Today it was just me and Brooke hanging out.  Oh, how relaxing the day was…

First we walked Jack into his kindergarten class, where he seemed happy to be, though he wouldn’t let me take a picture…

Then Hope and I walked Blake into his first grade classroom, where Blake graced me with one picture and shooed me out…

Finally I dropped Hope off at Pre-K 3 where she was absolutely thrilled to be…she gave me a kiss and ran off with her friends and never looked back…

So it was just Brooke and myself…we had a little physical therapy, went to a friend’s house for brunch and chitchat, and hung out at home for a few hours where Brooke was thrilled to have all the Cheerios to herself.

And then it was pick up time…

First Hope…then the boys…

The first thing I notice when I get the boys is that Jack isn’t wearing his name tag that all the kindergartners have to wear the first two weeks.

The boys climb in the car…Blake chatters on about how great first grade is and Jack is silent.  I can’t get a word out of him….except that he ripped his name tag off in the afternoon-because he wanted to…hmmm, strange…

As I’m going through the boys’ backpacks my phone rings…it’s Jack’s teacher…

What the fuck?  Who gets a call the first day of school from the kindergarten teacher?  Especially me?  My kids?  My kids who are little monsters at home but well behaved minions in public…

My Jack…my poor little Jackie…apparently he had a good morning and then lost it during lunch time.  The recess teacher had to bring him back to his teacher because he was crying so badly…then he spent the rest of the day under his desk.  Under his desk.  My little Jackie was under his desk…

His teacher was super nice, she just wanted me to be aware that he had a rough afternoon, but she let him be in hopes he gets better as the days go on…

After prodding Jack and questioning him as to why he was crying he finally answered…

It was because he wanted his mama.

Me.  He wanted me.

While I was celebrating the quietness of the house my little boy was crying in the lunch room.  While I was sending out snarky tweets about how happy I was to have the kids out of the house Jack was under his desk.

Talk about a Mom Fail.  A kick in the gut.  A slap in the face.

Talk about feeling like the worst. mom. ever.

Jack may have been crying during lunch and recess, but I bet it was nothing compared to the tears I cried after that phone call…

Because I don’t know how to fix this.  I don’t know how to get Jack excited for school, because he doesn’t want to go back.  And I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what to do…

*This blog post is sponsored by Giraffe Childcare

Like a Man In Drag

It’s no secret that I am loving my short hair.  Every time I walk past the mirror I stop and say, who’s a sassy bitch?  I’m not joking about that…yes, I am that self absorbed*.

Seriously, have you seen me with this kick ass hair?

How awesomely cute am I?


I know!  It’s hard to believe!

That being said…a time has come where I did not find my hair to be so awesome…


It was today, at the Mother’s Day luncheon at Jack’s school.  Of course I had a great time and it was so nice to be able to spend that one on one time with my middle child…

But…but…

The kids all made portraits of their mothers with little phrases saying what they love about us..

You’ll all be happy to find out that Jack thinks I make the best tacos, I’m pretty, and he likes it when I take him to the store…

But look…

I look like an ugly man in drag…

It could be worse I suppose…he could have made me a chunky** ugly man in drag***…

*although I like to think of it as high self esteem

**diary of a fat mom huh?  that’s on hiatus due to an excess of calories…I’ll come clean soon, but yes, I am still muffin toppin’ out of my size 14s…sigh…

***there’s that silver lining

Stop Packing Crap

You mothers who insist on filling your kids lunchboxes with chips and cookies and fruit roll-ups and brownies are seriously going to kill me. Please, for the love of my sanity, stop sending crap with your kids lunch to school.
And please don’t tell me you just send “one treat” for your child, your perfect child who knows not to eat those chocolate chip cookies until after all of the carrot sticks and apples slices are gone. Because guess what? They are totally not eating the healthy stuff…just the garbage. And I know because though Blake and Jack constantly complain to me about the contents of their Star Wars lunchboxes, they also let me in on your kids little secret…they are eating the junk first! That’s right, they fill up on crap, and then only a portion of your organically grown carrot sticks and reduced fat almond butter* and sugar free jelly sandwiches are eaten.
Every day I have to hear about how I pack the worst lunches ever, lunches filled with carrots, black olives, apples, strawberries, cereal bars, and sandwiches. Once in a great while, when the nagging has gotten to me, I’ll throw in piece of chocolate or a baggie of pretzels, but inevitably the boys confess they ate that first and neglected the rest of the contents of what I’ve packed.
Wait though, don’t think I’m the mean mom ever who never gives treats out. That’s actually farthest from the truth! My kids eat plenty of treats at home, at least once a week it’s chocolate glazed donuts for breakfast and I always have cookies and chips and goldfish floating around. But I refuse to pack any of that for lunch!
Why? Is that what you’re asking? Because I know that after a full morning of learning and not grazing at home the boys will eat whatever healthy food I pack due to the fact they are positively starving! Hooray!! One healthy meal a day with no arguments!
So please, if everyone would just do as I say do as I suggest then my life would be much easier. And really? Isn’t that what everyone wants**? You know I’m so right.
And for real….your kid is so eating the crap first…I know, Blake is a huge tattletale….

*almond butter kind of pisses me off…what is up with that? if your kid is allergic to peanuts they likely have a sensitivity to all nuts…also, to me almond butter is kind of pretentious, like I need to know you spend over $7 a jar on what your filling your 12 grain bread with…ugh…

**just smile and nod…

**the winner of the Barnes and Noble gift card was Megan Miller….when Holly’s House gets up to 100 followers I’ll beg off more free shit to giveaway!