How To Lose Weight In 2013

With the new year upon us I’ve heard everyone talking about how they’re finally finally finally going to lose all their extra weight! Good bye baby weight! See ya fat ass! Night night thigh rub!

To save you the effort I’ve compiled a list of all the different advice I’ve read over the past couple of weeks to help you attain your weight loss goals! You’re so welcome!

1. Eat less

2. Make sure you eat enough calories to fuel your body

3. Exercise more

4. Make sure you don’t exercise too much or you’ll put too much stress on your body

5. Start juicing to get enough vegetables in your diet

6. Make sure you’re not drinking too much juice so you have room for healthy proteins

7. Eat a vegan diet to cleanse your system

8. Eat organic meat so you’re not putting unnecessary hormones into your body

9. Make sure you’re getting enough calcium for optimal bone health

10. Stay away from dairy

11. Stay away from flour, sugar, and anything white for the love of God

12. Don’t be afraid of food, everything in moderation is okay

There….

That about sums up what I’ve read over lately, and you are so very welcome…good luck!

 

My New Year (Un)Resolutions

I said it last year, and I’ll say it this year…I can’t fucking stand New Year Resolutions

Sure, it’s a new year, a new beginning, but if you want to be a better person or make a change, don’t wait for a reason, just do it!

So in the spirit of loathing resolutions, here is a list of my (un)resolutions…which are things I damn well ain’t gonna change…

1. My fucking potty mouth. I get shit every once in a while, both here and on my fan page, where people tell me how unattractive my swearing is. And to that I say, it’s my page, so fuck off…because fuck? is the best word ever. It’s a verb- Go fuck yourself! It’s a noun-He’s such a dumb fuck! It’s an adverb-She’s so fucking stupid! And it’s so much more…try it, you’ll like it!

2. My narcissism…because this sassy bitch?

Is damn cute*!

3. My bad habits. Yup, you guessed right…I’m going to keep picking my nose, popping blackheads, and squeezing pimples well into 2012! Yay! Boogers Rule!

4. My gossiping. Yup, that’s right. I gossip. But don’t you worry…I do it the right way, you know, behind your back…that way your feelings won’t be hurt….

5. My use of the good pillows. Eric may work damn hard all day, but this bitch can not sleep well without firm neck and head support…so I get the $40 pillow and Eric get’s the $10 pillow. Why the discrepency in monetary value? Because when out shopping he told me not to spend too much, so I splurged on me. Big fucking surprise….

6. My love of the V-neck shirt. When your best feature is your DD breasts, you flaunt it…because I think showing off my boobs makes my ass look way smaller**. So I wear them everywhere, from the gym to volunteering….don’t worry, the kids love seeing them!

7. My love of The Challenge on MTV. Some people say my taste in TV is juvenile, and to that I say you’ve obviously never seen CT without his shirt on punching some punk in the face…drunk hot messes rule!

8. And my love of making lists of shit I like and don’t like…

What about you? Do you do the resolution thing? Or are you like me and blow it off?

*aren’t those earrings gorgeous?! Tricia was kind enough to make them and send them to me for my birthday, and no, she didn’t ask for a plug, but here’s one anyway, go visit her shop and get yourself some awesomely beautiful jewelry!

**just amuse me people…