The Most Uncomfortable Ass Wax Ever

Okay, I know what you’re thinking*….

Is there any ass wax that isn’t uncomfortable?

And to that I answer, um….not really…

I’m a pretty mellow person and open person…especially after having four children and thus having all sort of strangers messing with Veronica, so to me, vaginas aren’t a big deal…once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all….

But an asshole?

Seems to me to be a bit more private…

I really don’t even let Eric visit that area…because why? Nothing good comes out of that end…

But when it comes to waxing, I like to take it all off…and how ridiculous would it be to have a naked cha cha and a hairy ass?**  Even if no one but myself, my hubs, and my physician will notice?

So there I am…spreading my cheeks in all their glory, and then it happens….


her hair was brushing against my naked ass….

And I did nothing…I just stayed down and prayed that it wouldn’t get stuck in the wax…the wax that was currently pulling the hair out by the root from my ass….

But really? Isn’t that the first thing they teach in waxing school? To tie up your damn hair?! I totally felt like it wasn’t my place to say anything unless we had hair to ass wax contact…

Luckily, that didn’t happen…her hair stayed in her head and my hair came out in her hand…

Everyone wins…

Now we just have to wait until next month and see…

*unless you’re wondering where the fuck I’ve been, to that I merely apologize for my absence and promise to try not to disappear again…

**because you all have hairy asses too, right? right? Who wants to start the hairy asshole club?

The Ass Ache

Almost every morning I wake up with my ass on fire* courtesy of Eric.

It’s because we fall asleep like this…


Every night we go to sleep face to feet so we can rub each other’s feet and tushies while we talk…

And inevitably Eric gets his hand up my undies to the top of my back…giving me the mother of all wedgies…


I constantly ask him to pick my underwear out of my ass so my sad face disappears and he complies, but his hand always creeps back up through there and to my back…

And so I fall asleep with my underwear up my ass and then wake up and have to practically get pliers to pull it out of there…

I know what you’re thinking…just go to sleep like everybody else, face to face the normal way…

Like we haven’t tried that? It just doesn’t work for us…

And besides, I like my ass rubbed as I fall asleep….

So I guess I’m doomed to a life of ass aches and nighttime wedgies…sigh…

At least until my kids are grown and I don’t have to worry about them coming into bed with a naked mommy and then having to shell out thousands in therapy money…

How do you and your hubby*** sleep?

*you fucking pervert…you thought it’s because I take it up the back end? Let me assure you that’s an exit only area, although if that’s the way you like it…then to each their own**

**you nasty….

***or wife, or domestic partner, or sugar daddy….whatever….

Not Even I Can Make Public Urination Cool

I used to really be able to take it*…

But a few weeks ago I realized that I’m not longer able to hang….

I never thought of myself as getting older, but the fair proved me wrong…yes, the very same fair that wouldn’t allow ketchup

I’ve always loved thrill rides. Turn me upside down, zoom me along the track, throw me sharply from one side to another…this gal can handle it!

Or so I thought….

Until I got on The Avalanche…

Oh Avalanche, how I despise you…

Let me show you how the ride is…


The circles are the people…and that is us going around and around and around….and then it goes the other way…

Eric was on the ground with Brooke laughing his ass off at me as I gradually got greener and greener…while the three big kids were having a blast…

I just tried to breathe…in and out…in and out….

And when the ride finished I bolted off…and tried to keep my candy apple down…

And I was successful until Eric took the big kids on the Tilt-A-Whirl…then standing there in the middle of the fair I let it go…

All of it….


The throw up was so forceful that I couldn’t help but pee on myself at the same time…

Right in the middle of the fair.

It happened so quickly I didn’t have time to go behind the Headless Woman’s trailer and pee on myself in private…nope, right there where everyone could see was the way it happened…

And then I had to walk around in pee clothes for the remainder of the day…

Veronica was not a happy camper…and neither was I…

I really thought I could handle the rides…but alas I was wrong…

Well played fair….well played….

*and no, I don’t mean up the ass you perverts, that’s always been a no go zone…

No Guns No Ketchup

One of the only reasons I think I keep my kids around is because they amuse the fuck out of me….

Most of the time they’re whining and demanding things like food and drink and thus causing me to hide out in the bathroom with my Kindle Fire begging to be left alone due to bowel issues, but sometimes they really make me laugh…

Like when we took the whole brood to the fair and Blake saw this sign….


It was nothing special, just letting you know what is and what isn’t allowed inside….

But this is what Blake read off to me….

He was baffled….and Eric and I just about fell over laughing at him….

No ketchup….which made Eric and I do a series of improvisations where one was smuggling ketchup in and other was an officer making him drop the ketchup and no one gets hurt….

What have your kids done to amuse you lately?