Vacation Blues

Eric and I just got back from a mini vacation without the kiddos….

I’m a firm believer in time away alone…you know, to talk and laugh together, remember why we fell in love before all these little people came into our lives, and of course, to have fabulous uninterrupted sex….

And honestly? Summer has kicked my ass.  I am so fucking exhausted and ready for school to start so I can have some peace and quiet.  I have almost no time alone and end up yelling at the kids just so I can go to the bathroom without them staring at me.

So when Eric and I had a chance to go away for a couple of days I was prancing around the house singing with joy at the chance to get away…

And then it happens…as it inevitably does….

I end up missing the little brats…

I feel badly about leaving the four monsters behind….

Only a couple of hours into the trip and I want to talk about how much fun they would all have and how Hopie is going to sad that she’s not seeing the fireworks with us…

Jack’s going to miss Splash Mountain.  Brookie won’t get to see the parade and Blake won’t get to go on Toy Story Mania…

The guilt starts to overpower me…

I feel like the world’s worst mother for going to have fun at Disney without them.  I feel awful for being such an awful grump about summer and not having any quiet time in the house…

I think about maybe turning back and going to get them so we can experience the Disney magic together…

But just when my guilt was reaching an all time high that’s when Eric opened up the door to our hotel room at The Dolphin where we immediately had amazing sex followed by an amazing nap…

And when I woke up I could hardly remember what I was upset about in the first place….

Like We Are Rock Stars….

Even though my kids make me crazy on a daily basis, I still try to make their little hearts explode with excitement and joy…

So this past Sunday morning Eric and I announced we were leaving for Disney that morning…the kids were thrilled, especially since our last trip was cancelled after we got into a car crash on the way there…

Fast forward to 4 that afternoon…we had dropped off our luggage and were on the monorail to the Magic Kingdom when Hope tells me her tummy hurts and she has to go potty…

Hmmm, I wonder if she really has to poop badly…so I ask her to hold it as we’re almost there…

We walk up to the gate and she says the magic words….Mommy, I don’t feel good then bursts into tears….

I go into full mommy mode…I scoop her up and run to the bathroom…

Alas…she did not make it…and when the boys saw that Hope was sick their faces crumpled and they looked defeated, as though they knew their vacation was over…

But no! I would not let it be! We were going to have fun, dammit, if I had to drag everyone through the Magic Kingdom and put the fucking Mickey suit on myself!

So I rented a stroller for Hope and pushed the sick little girl through the park and let the boys each pick out a ride…

Insane? Maybe. Ridiculous? Probably. Worst Mother Ever To Hope? Yes…

After two rides we go back to the hotel where I tell Eric there is no way we are leaving the next day…if Hope’s still sick he takes the others…like I said, those kids were going to have fun!

But guess what? Hope woke up all better! So off to Hollywood Studios we went, took a breather, then back to the Magic Kingdom before heading to the hotel for the night…

Ahhh…finally! A good trip to Disney!

Until 11:30 that night, when Blake woke me up….

Mom, I threw up all in my bed…

Wow, that sucks…but I took Jack out of the bed, tossed him in with Hope, stripped the bed and left that little treat in the hallway for housekeeping, then set Blake up on the couch with a bucket…and back to sleep I went…

Until one in the morning, when Jack’s screeching wakes me up…Mommy! Mommy! My tummy is hurting so bad!

I leap across beds and try to get him out of the bed before it’s too late, but naturally I didn’t get there in time and he started puking on the bed and hanging over the edge. I grab him, pull him into the hallway and hand him a wastebasket….

After a few minutes Jack is spent and passes out in the hallway…I give him a blanket and pillow, strip the other bed, lay a towel over Hope for a cover, and leave another surprise in the hallway…

I know what you’re thinking….Holly! Surely you got to go to sleep now, right?! Everyone is all done being sick, right?

Wrong…

I had it worse than the kids*….luckily, it was over quickly and I got to go to sleep….

You know, until Hope woke me up barfing…

By morning, our room looked like rock stars had been there…no sheets on the beds, towels covering vomit on the floor, every wastebasket and ice bucket full to the brim…

But at least I didn’t have to clean it…

I bet you’re thinking we’re never going back to Disney again…two times bad luck…

Wrong! We’re going back next month…

We will go every fucking month until we make Disney our bitch and everyone has an awesomely fabulous time….

*everyone enjoys TMI, right?

Magical Moments

I wasn’t going to participate in Shell’s fabulous link up this time…

It’s not because my family doesn’t have magical moments…I know how blessed I am to have a fantastic husband and four wonderful* children…it’s just that I had a really tough time this past summer and I’m too lazy to go back through my old pictures and find one suitable…

I was pretty sure that a picture of me sweating balls at the park wasn’t going to cut it, and neither was a picture of me yelling at my kids to share, or to not paint the patio walls, or to not have peeing distance contests…

So I did what any mother who wanted to link up with the lovely Shell would do…I convinced my husband to take us to Disney for a week**.  Because even my kids can look like the little miracles they are when posed next to abnormally large cartoon characters….

And just so that you don’t think we left Brooke at home….

She was terrified of the characters…so we left her out of the pictures…genius, I know…

So there you have it…after a crazy hectic seeming like I was always yelling at my kids summer, it’s amazing how l can look at pictures of my kids smiling at Disney and suddenly feel like the best mother ever***….

*well, they’re okay…

**okay fine, we already had the trip planned, but if we didn’t…I totally would have gone for this reason…

***feel like the best mother ever? HA! We all know I own that badge…

Blowing in the Breeze

It was an orgy of awesomely fantastic food this last weekend*.

Eric and I went to Disney, sans kids, and ate at the some of the more fancy schmancy restaurants…and oh, it was good….

The last night we were there we ate at Narcoossee’s, which is in the Grand Floridian…

Oh my…this was probably the most uppity type place I’ve ever been….and it was gorgeous, all waterfront with a wraparound veranda….right across the lake from the Magic Kingdom, so it’s the best place to see the fireworks too**…

While we were waiting for our table, enjoying the breeze on the veranda, watching the water light show, the people eating their fancy schmancy dinner got to watch this along with the light show…

Because really, how else can one enjoy a $58 lobster or a $17 glass of house red without the view of some chunky girl’s ass right in their face?

I wish I could tell you all that it only happened the one time, that I learned my lesson…but it was really breezy, and my skirt was really flowy…so the people that had the pleasure to be sitting behind me got quite the ass show***…

Bon Appetit!

*it was just an orgy of food…don’t worry, we didn’t involve seven little men or anything…believe me, I gained six pounds in 2 1/2 days…

**we totally got the best seat in the house, the castle was straight ahead of us…the view was fantastic…

***there’s nothing quite as sexy as seeing some chunky girl’s pink Hanes Her Way while trying to eat an Artisan Cheese Plate…