It was early Monday morning when I noticed The Smell.

I was getting the kids ready for school…making breakfast, getting clothes, yelling at kids to just brush your teeth already!* while simultaneously cleaning up the breakfast dishes and getting dirty clothes into the laundry room.

And all morning long I noticed The Smell.  So I changed Brooke’s diaper, made the kids brush teeth again, poured bleach down the garbage disposal, emptied the trash and sprayed the bin….

Ah! Finally I could go brush my teeth, get dressed and get the kids out the door…

But there was The Smell again, in my car…

No problem though, I’ll breathe through my mouth…besides, I quickly figured out it was different Smell, because lets be honest…my van is pretty much a dumping ground for all of my kids shit, so it’s no wonder it smell like asshole.

Okay, so the kids are dropped off, time for some mommy and Brooke time! I decided that before her speech therapy we would just hang out at home and tea party it up! Holla! So we sit at the table and there it is again…The Smell! Arg! What the hell? After thoroughly sniffing Brooke’s ass I decided it wasn’t her and so we abandoned out tea party and went on a Smell search.

Duh! The boy’s bathroom! That place is so full of funk it was obviously seeping into every other crevice of my house…so I got the spray, put Brooke in charge of the paper towels and we went to town! There was no pee on the wall or poop smears on the toilet or cabinets when we were done…

Speech therapy here we come! And as I sit in the waiting room I smell it again.  After checking my shoes and finding them clean I’ve decided that something is wrong with my nose** and went about my business…

Fast forward to 3:30 that afternoon…Jack has requested an emergency snuggle and we are snuggling away in my bed when he says it…

“Mom! You smell! Is that your armpits or your feet? Or your hair?”

Huh…what? So does he mean to tell me that The Smell I’d been working so hard on figuring out and getting rid of was actually me?

Because I forgot deodorant.  I was The Smell.  Which may explain why no one sat next to me in the waiting room that morning…

And thus so far this week, I Smell and I forgot to wax one arm pit…

Next week can only get better, right? Right?

Fucking mommy brain…

*why? why won’t the kids just brush their fucking teeth? everyday it’s my most hated battle..it’s like they want moldy gums

**about a month ago I was cleaning the grout with strong chemicals and no open windows…as a result most of my nose hair was singed off…it’s just started to grow back…no, I’m not fucking with you