My Kids Are Bastards

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been reading blog posts and Facebook status updates about how people are so excited because their kids are super thrilled to take an angel off of the tree and buy a present for another kid…

If not the Angel Tree then the Operation Christmas Child thing…

Apparently giving to children less fortunate make these little hearts sing with joy…

Children are passing out in joy at the idea of making another kid’s holiday fabulous…

Every kid but my own that is…

Every year I donate to our local battered women’s shelter and do the Angel Tree also…but this year I decided to involve my kids…

Wow…bad idea…

Mom, I don’t get it. Says Blake. Why are we buying stuff for other families?

Because there are people that aren’t as lucky as us. Some families don’t have enough money for presents or even enough food. That’s why we always donate during the holidays. Doesn’t it make you happy to help other kids?!

Why don’t they have any money? Asks Hope…

Well sweetie, some people aren’t able to find a job or the job they have doesn’t pay them a super lot of money, so for extra things like gifts other people help out…

Hmph! Says Blake, Their dads should just work harder, like Daddy-

But Blake-

Sometimes Daddy works so hard we don’t even see him that day, and now we have to share our money because our dad works hard? Says my little Republican….

Okay…time for a new tactic….

Well, I say, we also help out kids who don’t have both of their parents, like maybe they’re divorced or someones mom or dad died so they don’t have a lot of money because the mom can only work while the kids are in school.

Oh, says Blake, Well that’s different then. We can help those families. It’s really sad not to have a mom and dad.

Just to be on the safe side though, I’ll drop off the gifts without the kids in tow, I don’t need Blake giving a lecture about working harder to those in need…

Are your kids bastards* or are they excited to help others?

*Read: Republican

Hop Aboard the Gingerbread Train

Every year I dream of baking snickerdoodles for Santa and making reindeer chow with my children…

You know, without screaming at them to just stop and don’t put your feet in the batter….

I dream of making gingerbread houses with an army of beautifully decorated gingerbread men…

I dream of posting those fresh baked goods and having everyone fawn over me, begging me to make them something so they can pass it off as their own…

But this year my kids wanted to make this gingerbread train we saw in the store…

Hmmm…not exactly the homemade dream I had in mind, but no worries, we would decorate the shit out of that train and display it for all to see…YES! That’s what we’d do!

The kids were so excited, and though I didn’t want them to help and thus ruin my visions, I decided I could supervise them enough and our train would kick other train’s asses…

Everyone was working hard…

The decorating was a bit sloppier than I planned on for my dream train I would show off to you fine fine people, but I figured I could fix it up…no problem!

So I did what any mother who drinks way too much coffee and Diet Coke would do during the decorating…

I took a pee break…

Just a pee break…there was no pooping or tweezing…nothing…and I came back to this…

Jack eating his portion of the train…in the 30 seconds I was gone he dismantled his train and started eating it…sigh…

But he wasn’t the only one…Blake also took his apart to eat…

And those rotten kids weren’t even sorry…

Oh well, I guess there’s always next year…

When I do it by myself….

JCPenney Rocks! And So Do Their Secret Santa Tags!

It’s no secret that I love to shop!  Seriously…spending Eric’s hard earned money makes my heart go a-flutter…in a totally I’m not addicted to shopping kind of way…

So when I found out I was selected to participate in the JCPenney Secret Santa Blog Tour from Mom Central I may or may not have squealed with delight…

Why? Because not only will I be receiving a Secret Santa present, I got to buy a Secret Santa present for another blogger!! And no, I can’t tell you who yet, I don’t any surprises being ruined!

I was giddy with excitement as I was cruising the JCPenney web site finding the perfect gift. My Secret Santa was a little vague, asking for home decor such as frames, so I really had to scour the goods to try and find something kind of neutral yet stunning that she would like…and did I succeed? Oh yes I did! Just wait until I show you what I bought…

Not only did I get to pick out a gift for my Secret Santa, I also got to record a personalized message for her! How, you’re asking? JCP has a QR Santa Tag that you can stick right onto your gift!

What the heck does that even mean Holly? Is that what you’re saying right now? Yeah, I bet…okay, here’s the scoop…

See that bar code black thingy on the side? You download a QR reader onto your smartphone, scan it, and call the 800 number listed.  Follow the prompts to leave your personalized message, peel off the label, stick it on the gift, and voila! You have your own personalized message for the recipient! When you receive your present, all you have to do is scan the barcode with your smartphone and the message plays! How cool is that? Need more help? Watch the video for step by step instructions…

Don’t have a smartphone? No worries, there’s an 800 number below the code you can call to both record your message and listen…so everyone can do it!

I will admit I felt really silly doing it, but in a good, funny way…I would totally do it again…

So what are you waiting for? Go to JCP and make sure you get a tag with your purchase! It’s no extra cost…hop to it!!!

And stay tuned…within the next week I’ll be sharing what I got from my Secret Santa and what I picked out for mine! Squeal!!!!!!!!

Oh, how I love Christmas….sigh….

*I wrote this review while participating in a campaign by Mom Central Consulting on behalf of jcpenney and received a jcpenney Secret Santa gift and a promotional item to thank me for participating.

Oh Yes, Christmas is Here…

There’s always a little bit of dysfunction and craziness during the holidays…and I’m not even talking about my family yet…just some of my holiday decor….

And because I know your asses are practically falling off the edge of your seats in anticipation of the crazy I speak of, I shall share with you…because I’m that awesome*…

Eric thinks I’m going straight to Hell for this sacrilegious pose Hermey indulged in. But I personally think the baby Jesus got a kick out being held by Santa’s elf…and he probably asked Hermey to put in a good word for him so he’d get some better gifts…because really? The gold was cool, but frankincense and myrrh? Can’t we get the son of God some better gifts?

Tonight I told Jack that the Abominable Snowman was real and if he wasn’t a good boy I was going to send him to the North Pole to live with him…Jack then cried**…

This is Jack’s first Christmas ornament, except we just got it two years ago when he was three. Yes, I’m that bad of a mother…but at least I cared enough to search far and wide for a generic ornament with no year so I could pass it off as the year he was born***.

My kids have no idea that other mothers put little treats in the advent calendar…mine are excited just to open the door and count down the days…

This is a Nativity scene Jack made in preschool last year. Yes, the baby Jesus is a wine cork with googly eye stickers. Yes, the baby Jesus has ended up in Hope’s mouth. I just feel like the whole thing is wrong…

I have absolutely no idea what the hell Noel means…I’m assuming another word for Christmas in another language…but I don’t really care enough to google it….

What crazy Christmas shit do you have around?

*if you think I’m awesome too I am totally accepting present for my birthday that’s on the 17th…

**Mother of the Year right here! Where’s that damn trophy?

***is it any wonder poor Jack has such middle child syndrome?