Thirty-One

Today I celebrate my 29th birthday…for the third time….

The only good thing about birthdays are the gifts..I’m a huge present whore…and even though none of you sent me anything this year (ahem, it’s not too late) I’ve decided to give you all something…

It’s a list! Yay! I love lists! So here’s 31 things you may not know about me…

1. I’m the second in a line of four kids

2. I have flat feet

3. I was in JROTC in high school and was battalion XO my senior year (second in command).  Shut up, it was cool

4. I was also a huge theatre person. What? You’re not surprised? You knew I was a drama queen?

5. I wanted to study anthropology in college

6. And historical fiction

7. Then I wanted to run off and join the WWE to be a professional wrestler

8. So I dropped out of college after two years because I obviously had no clue what the fuck I wanted to be

9. I used to have my nose pierced. And my belly button. And my nipples. And a Marilyn. And my tongue. And my ears-15 times

10. My hair used to be blue

11. And purple

12. Pantyhose make my ass itch

13. Hope got her name when I was 9 weeks pregnant and thought we lost her

14. I can peel a banana with my feet

15. I never wanted to have children until I met Eric

16. And after our first date I woke up my best friend to tell her I was going to marry him

17. We didn’t have sex on our wedding night. We counted money and passed out

18. When I was 16 I passed out drunk at a school football game and was taken away in an ambulance

19. As a result of that night my principal called me Chugs for the rest of the school year

20. I look forward to ingrown hairs and pimples so I can pop them

21. I’m scared to have another child

22. Some of my favorite foods are tripe, fried chicken gizzards, and turkey necks.

23. And I love to wash it all down with pickle juice

24. My favorite part of breastfeeding is squirting Eric in the eye while lying in bed when he’s not expecting it

25. My favorite movies are Shag, Little Women, and Empire Records

26. I’m scared of my kids growing up and moving away

27. One of my favorite shows is Snapped! Women Who Kill. I partly watch it just to keep Eric on his toes

28. I use about six Q-tips a day. I love the feeling of the dig

29. Sometimes when I’m in the car I catch all four kids in the review mirror and am shocked, I can’t believe they’re mine

30. And I’m scared I’m not a good enough mother for them

31. I depend on my husband for far too much…

There you have it…what don’t I know about you?

 

Too Big Now

Today Blake turned seven.

Seven.

That’s old. He was just my baby…and the more I thought about that this morning the more I cried. Yes, I cried at the thought of Blake being seven…

But I can’t stop him from growing up….so we celebrated with the family yesterday…he requested my pumpkin cake, which I made and then I watched him blow out his candle while he made a wish*…

And today I sent him off to school with a homemade lunch like usual, but as a little treat to let him know how much I love him I cut his sandwich into the shape of heart…

He didn’t eat it.

I found it scrunched up in lunchbox.

My heart shaped sandwich embarrassed him. He wouldn’t eat it in front of his friends.

My baby isn’t a baby. Last year he loved it when I made heart shaped sandwiches, but now they embarrass him…

And my heart broke…

Shattered…

Into a million pieces…

Because seven isn’t a baby anymore…

No more heart shaped sandwiches for him…which may not seem like a big deal, but to this overly dramatic, overly hormonal mother, it’s huge…

And even though I didn’t say anything to him, Blake knew I was upset…so he made me this when we were outside playing…

So Blake loves me…

I may embarrass him with my sandwiches, but he still loves me…and doesn’t want to make me upset…

And that’s going to have to be enough…

Blake is growing up…whether I like it or not…

Time for a new baby**?

*I actually relit the candle and had him blow out again for the picture…the rotten kid did it too fast the first time…

**Just kidding***

***maybe…

****after telling me how fabulous I am, I agreed to guest post over at The Random Blogette. Although you all know how fantastic I am already, go check my post out over there in which I detail why you should all just love me and be my friend…um, yes-I’m serious-that’s what I wrote about….

Tea Time-Like it or Not

Hope turned three this past Sunday, and because she doesn’t already have a warped sense of self entitlement and the true belief that she is, in fact, a princess*; I threw her a fancy pants tea party for her and three little friends.

I worked my ass off for this little party, more than for any other party of my other kids, and there were far less kids. But usually, being the lazy mom that I am**, I pay some establishment and have the party there. I wish I had the foresight to take pictures and show you all of my hard work, but alas, I was too busy preparing homemade cherry vanilla soda (I made the freaking soda syrup), heart shaped-frosted cookie pops, cupcakes, and the little decorations.

I put my heart and soul into this party for Hope, and none of the pictures I have depicts that.

Honestly, I don’t have one picture that has any of the girls smiling.

Although, as we know, putting on make up is serious business…

But even during cupcake time, Hope had a look of mild discontentment on her face, as though to let me know that she had expected a full cake…

I’m guessing that Maddie too expected more than a measly cupcake.

But all of my effort wasn’t a complete waste of time, after all, Rachel was thrilled to be a princess for a day…

At least someone appreciated me…

*Snow White, in case you didn’t know…although Rapunzal seems to be taking over…

**although I think GENIUS is a better word, seriously? have you ever cleaned up after a kid’s party? shoot me.

Let Them Eat Cake

When I say them, I really mean Brooke…but I thought that was a snazzy title…

So we finally got around to celebrating Brooke’s first birthday this past Sunday. Yeah, it was ten days after her actual birthday, but Eric’s been catering like nuts, and really? She’s one. She has no idea. I admit, I did think about doing a big shebang because she’s so precious and we’re so grateful to have her with us after everything she’s gone through…but then I thought, she’s one. The big party and excess would really be for me, and all that money on a party for someone who poops in her pants…really? When mama could use that money for some new camera equipment I don’t know how to use? Or maybe a new bag? So I rethought the big party idea and instead invited just the family over for pizza and cake…cuz that’s how I roll….

And everyone knows the only reason a one year old even has a party is to watch that child smash in the cake! I was soooo excited for this part! All of my other kids had made huge messes and gotten the cake everywhere, so adorable! So I ordered a super cute cake from the supermarket and anxiously awaited for dessert…because I just knew that Brooke was going to be one hot mess! Who doesn’t love cake? Especially one of my kids!? Because isn’t the love of all things flour, sugar, and vanilla hereditary?

Guess what? Brooke does not love cake.

Brooke loathes cake.

Brooke wants nothing to do with the cake.

Brooke wants a nap.

You know what? I was pissed. I really was, I’ll admit it. I wanted that child to dive into her cake, I wanted cake smeared in hair, I wanted it flung onto the walls. Selfish of me? Perhaps. And a part of me knew that wouldn’t happen anyway, which is probably why I was even more angry. Brooke’s big issue is her lack of interest in table food, she’s a great eater, but mostly stage 3 baby food. Her low tone is in her jaw, and so chewing is a lot of work for her, and when this babe is hungry, she doesn’t want to have to work for it. Hell, she doesn’t want to have to work for it when she’s not hungry. So am I surprised the cake wasn‘t her cup of tea? No. But I was majorly disappointed. I so wanted her to prove me wrong. Like maybe she doesn’t want to chew chicken or peas, but cake! Hell yeah! Bring it on!

And so when Brooke woke up we tried again. Better results, but still no big smoosh of cake happening.

But she tasted it…

And I daresay she liked it…or at least didn’t mind it…

And for now that’s going to have to be enough for me…I just hope this is one of those developmental delay issues and not a cake hating issue…because she will have a Happy Heart Day cake in May. And if that doesn’t go over well, we’ll do a Fourth of July cake, then a Labor Day cake. Because I will have my baby smash a cake…even if that means I have to get her a cake every holiday for the next five years…

So Happy Birthday Brooke….I love you…