Memories Captured

I’ve never hidden the fact that I’m a nose picker…

Yup, for those of you who may be new to my page or somehow have skipped my declarations for my love of boogers, it’s true…

I love to pick. I like boogers.

But don’t worry…I don’t eat them. Because that? Would be crazy…

I will admit to trying to hide my love of picking from my kids, since I don’t want them ridiculed by others for digging and I do want them to have manners…

So when I caught Jack picking his nose at the dinner table I immediately sent him to his room for being disgusting…

As an apology he drew me this…


And he even left me a little something on the paper…

Why on earth would he wipe a booger on the paper?

Everyone knows that behind the bed is the best place…

Right?

*linked up with Memories Captured….

Tell Me I’m a Fattie

Seriously people…this is what I need you to do…

Whenever you see me tell me how fat I am…

I know what you’re thinking…Holly! But you look so fantastic! You’re down 19 pounds and are so damn sexy I can’t keep my eyes off of your hotness!

And while I may be turning into a hot piece of ass so that I’m not the fattest bridesmaid I have a confession to make…

I’ve lost my motivation…

The last ten days I’ve slowly been turning back into my gluttonous ways…

And yes! I am so fucking pissed at myself and yet I can’t seem to get my groove back…

And everyone telling me how absolutely fantastic I look isn’t helping…because then I say to myself, Oh Holly-go ahead…skip your workout today and eat a quarter pounder with cheese! It doesn’t matter…you look fantastic anyway!

So one day leads to another and another and before you know it, my groove is gone and my back fat is coming back….

So seriously people, tell me what a fat fucker I’m turning into and how I’m going to have to go on Jerry Springer and have the firefighters come cut me out of my house because I’m so fat Eric has to wipe my ass….

Ready, set, go!

Eight Years In…

Some of my friends are fantastic wives…

Seriously the best wives I have ever known…

One friend loves to give her husband, um, special attention*.  He gets it at least four times a week and she says it’s her talent…

And here I am trying to learn photography…obviously Eric wasn’t thinking when he bought me my camera….

Another friend is truly an awesome stay at home kind of wife…you all know the type…she cooks wonderful from scratch meals all the time and always cleans up her house and puts out at least once a week so her husband doesn’t feel deprived and she never ever farts in front of him.  She just does everything right…I think she even plays with her kids**…

And then there’s me…

Eric and I just celebrated eight years of marriage on Tuesday and sometimes I wonder how that’s possible…

Because next to some women I know, I am just about the worse wife ever…and here’s why…

Ugh Holly, don’t tell me you’re going to make another fucking list….

Yes I am, so quit your bitching and keep reading….

1. Pillows. I have an awesome pillow to sleep with and Eric has a shittastic pillow to sleep with. Why? Because when I went pillow shopping he begged me not to spend too much money…so I did the right thing, er-for me anyway…I bought myself an awesome $30 pillow and him a not as awesome but hey it still works $7 pillow.  But don’t think I’m that awful of a wife yet, because I’m getting ready to buy a new pillow for me and Eric is going to get my old one! Yay!

2. I fart

3. A lot***

4. Our bed time routine goes as follows….I turn on the lights, climb into bed, make sure I’m all snug and secure and the duvet is facing the right direction, then it’s Eric’s job to turn off the lights and stumble his way to bed…and yes, inevitably he smashes a toe or a shin into something…but guess what?! I’m all cozy…

5. I pick my nose and wipe it on him.

6. I pick my nose and wipe it in his car.

7. I pick my nose and wipe it on his computer.

8. I pick my nose and wipe it on his side of the bed.

9. I pants him.

10. When I was breastfeeding all of our children I would routinely roll over to face him and give him a squirt of breastmilk in the eye…just because I could…

I could probably go on and on, but then what would I have to say when we celebrate our nine year anniversary next year?

*read: blowjob

**and she has more than one! so they could just play together, but no, she just wants to make the rest of us look bad…that bitch…

***hey, I had four kids in seven years, my body has been shot to hell…

****I have two great giveaways going on right now, enter here to win a pack of personalized holiday labels and here to win Sibu Beauty Products…

 

 

Happiness is in the Pop

Sometimes I’m ashamed of myself…

Sometimes I’m a bad mommy…

But sometimes I just can’t help it…

Especially when this is staring at me…

Wow…wow…

Do you see what I see?

Yes, that’s right…Blake had some sort of big whitehead pimple thing in the crook of his chin..maybe an infected bug bite?  Who knows?

But one thing I did know was that I had to pop it.  I had to squeeze it until the pus came out!

I love to pop.  If I see a whitehead I have to pop it.  I get excited, my adrenaline starts to flow, I get antsy, I must pop it!  My hearts starts beating faster, my palms get sweaty, I get a big grin on my face in anticipation…

Bad habit?  Sure.  But it’s a fun one…almost as much fun as picking my nose

One problem though…the whitehead belonged to Blake and he wanted no popping to take place.

I’m not proud of this…but I begged him…I begged and pleaded and told him it would make his mommy so happy, that it wouldn’t hurt, that if he really loved me he’d let me do it…I may even have stomped my feet and had a mini* tantrum…

And then I told him I’d put chocolates in his lunchbox…

SCORE!

Oh, it was so good!  If I could do that for a living I would be a happy woman…it’s almost orgasmic!


I wish the actual pop took longer**…but it was ready and the pus came right out...oh, the euphoria…


I wish I could convey how much I love to pop white junky pus filled pores…it is one of the things I truly love to do…the satisfaction is instantaneous and indescribable…


Oh, you’ll have to excuse me now, I’m getting myself all worked up again just thinking about it…

*read major

**I hate when I think it’s going to be a long pop but it all comes out at once, I feel like I miss it, like I’m not prepared, and that makes me sad***


***because yes, I’m that crazy…


****the awesome Minx put up my “like me” tab on the top right of my blog, so if you don’t like me on facebook yet, what the hell are you waiting for?


*****I’m going to be doing some bloggy stuff to my site over the week, so if it looks wonky, that’s the deal…but never you worry, I’ll be back…