Why Kids Are Assholes-Part Five

All I want is to sleep is peace….

All day long my day is filled with requests from the little people that live here…get me milk! I want a banana! ┬áNow can I have a cookie? I’m still hungry, I want a cheesestick. Please play tea cups. Wipe my butt. Scratch my butt. Smell my feet. Play dress ups please. Can you build Disney out of my legos? Please play Monopoly with me. Get me an apple. I want juice! Wipe my butt! Spank Jack, he knocked over my dolls! Find my Ken. Please take us on a bike ride! Wipe my butt! Put on Sophia the First! Not that one, the one with the sleepover! Wipe my butt! Play tea party! Get me some goldfish!

And on and on and on and on….

Is it no wonder that I do a happy dance at bed time?

Can I be blamed for wanting to sleep in peace? This is all I want….


Is that too much to ask for? A good sleep?

But no….as soon as I get nice and comfy the assholery begins…


I know what you’re thinking…oh God Holly, can you be a bigger bitch? All he wants to do is snuggle! These kids won’t be little forever and their wanting to snuggle days are numbered! Don’t be such a cunt!

Well fuck you! I used to think that way too…but then this kept happening….


Sure, that kid is happy as a fucking clam, but Eric is hanging off the damn bad and inevitable I get pissed on.

Every. Fucking. Time.

Asshole.

An Example Of When Kids Suck



That was my night….

But the fun didn’t stop there…nope…I got to change sheets 4 times, clean puke off the couch, the carpet, the door, and more linen than I knew I even had…

This is the shit no one tells you about…

 

And the Bitch Is Out

I love all of you guys…seriously I do…and I love every one of the comments I get…

I even love the comments that needle me…and I won’t delete them, because even if they annoy the shit out of me, it’s your opinion and the other people that comment have a right to see that you disagree with me, or think I’m a horrible mother, or in this case, what seemed to me, a white bitch…

You all remember the crash I was in? I got a comment that kind of went under my skin…and though I won’t delete it, I did respond to her, and I’m going to share what she wrote and what I wrote back…tell me if you think I’m wrong…

Just curious, do you think it would have been less traumatic if you had been hit by a US citizen with no license and no insurance?

Wow…is it just me, or did she totally call me a white bitch between the lines? And this bitch? Won’t take that sitting down…and here’s my email in response….

Hi there Mary…thanks for commenting…
It’s a funny thing about the internet..you can never tell who’s being snarky and who’s not…and though you’re comment totally came off to me in a snarky manner, I’m still going to answer you…
Yes, I do think it would have less traumatic to have been hit by a US citizen and here’s why…
the man who hit us has disappeared…since he’s illegal he had managed to change his name with no one knowing it…the address he gave the police was a PO Box, and even if it was a real PO Box, it’s already been closed down…so my insurance agency has no way of ever finding the man and trying to make him pay the more than $18,000 in damages caused to my car or the other expsenses incurred…such as my deductable, the cost for new car seats, a rental car, etc…
I surely hope you don’t think I’m some white bitch who thinks we should close down the borders, that’s the farthest from the truth, I have many friends that are getting citizenship right now, I wouldn’t be here, and probably neither would you if we didn’t allow immigrants…I do however have a problem with people coming here illegally and not taking responsibility for their actions…
Have a great holiday season Mary…

I’m so fired up right now….

But I’m totally right…right*??

*you guys better be on my side….

The Crash

I’ve been trying to think of a way to put a funny spin on this…

Cuz, you know, that’s what I do…I take random shit and make it funny…

But I can’t do that here…and the only reason I’m telling you all what happened is because it did…and if I’m going to share all the funny shit then I’m going to share all the not so funny shit too…

We almost died Friday night…

For real…

In a head on collision on our way to Disney…

An illegal immigrant with no license and no insurance came right for us, claiming he didn’t see us, and if Eric hadn’t swerved we’d quite possibly be dead…

But Eric did swerve, so he smashed the whole side front corner of our van instead of the whole front…took out a stop sign and another sign…the whole front of our van crashed and then we ran it over…

And it’s totaled.

My new van that I hadn’t even told you all about yet because I hadn’t taken a picture of me hugging it yet…

Eric bought me a new 2011 black Dodge Grand Caravan for our anniversary November 1st…

It was my very first new new car…

And now it’s in a junk yard waiting for the insurance agent to call it totaled…

And now my kids are scared to get into a car again…

But they’re alive..

Hearing them cry when we stopped was the best sound I’ve ever heard in my life…

But watching my husband cry later on that night thinking of what might have been shook me to my core…

What if Eric had turned right then to ask me a question?

What if I hadn’t forgot Brooke’s cup and we didn’t have to stop after we got on the road?

What if we were going a little bit faster?

What if…

What if…