Why Kids Are Assholes-Part Five

All I want is to sleep is peace….

All day long my day is filled with requests from the little people that live here…get me milk! I want a banana!  Now can I have a cookie? I’m still hungry, I want a cheesestick. Please play tea cups. Wipe my butt. Scratch my butt. Smell my feet. Play dress ups please. Can you build Disney out of my legos? Please play Monopoly with me. Get me an apple. I want juice! Wipe my butt! Spank Jack, he knocked over my dolls! Find my Ken. Please take us on a bike ride! Wipe my butt! Put on Sophia the First! Not that one, the one with the sleepover! Wipe my butt! Play tea party! Get me some goldfish!

And on and on and on and on….

Is it no wonder that I do a happy dance at bed time?

Can I be blamed for wanting to sleep in peace? This is all I want….

Is that too much to ask for? A good sleep?

But no….as soon as I get nice and comfy the assholery begins…

I know what you’re thinking…oh God Holly, can you be a bigger bitch? All he wants to do is snuggle! These kids won’t be little forever and their wanting to snuggle days are numbered! Don’t be such a cunt!

Well fuck you! I used to think that way too…but then this kept happening….

Sure, that kid is happy as a fucking clam, but Eric is hanging off the damn bad and inevitable I get pissed on.

Every. Fucking. Time.



  1. Alison says:

    Dude, I am inundated with requests all. day. long, and that’s just from the 3 year old. A few more months, and the baby will be chiming in.
    Thank goodness I don’t get peed on.
    Alison recently posted..Yes, I’m Mom Blogging And Proud Of ItMy Profile

  2. Becca says:

    Bwahahahaha!!! I’m one of the lucky ones. Not only do I only have *one* child, but she didn’t start crawling into our bed until *after* she was fully potty trained, plus she sleeps completely *still* – none of that sideways bullshit. What’s with the kids that keep sleeping sideways on the bed? I’ve heard it exists in abundance, but have yet to experience it. ::gloating::
    Becca recently posted..Birthday Parties and the Appropriateness of Age-AppropriatenessMy Profile

  3. Tiffany says:

    I feel guilty when I don’t want to cuddle too…but getting peed on? No way!
    Tiffany recently posted..FriendshipMy Profile

  4. I am so happy that my one and only kid is grown now and I didn’t have those sorts of problems. She never wanted to get in my bed until she was a little older and didn’t stay long.
    Mary Kirkland recently posted..Twitter Wednesday!My Profile

  5. Kristin says:

    … or thrown up on! We made a new rule a couple of months ago – if Piper wants to come in our room at night, because heaven forbid she fall asleep ALONE, she has to make a nest with blankets on the floor at the foot of the bed and stay there to fall asleep. It worked wonders… for about a month. Now she’s back NEEDING to fall asleep IN our bed. And this is why Max is locked in his tent bed and will never ever ever ever be allowed in our room ;) So now we patiently wait until she is a teenager and hates us and won’t want to come near our bed. For the times we are really sick of her, we put a hotel lock on the inside of our bedroom door!
    Kristin recently posted..Piper’s DevotionalMy Profile

  6. Anne says:

    I know right! ugh I have a 14 and 10 yo you would think I would be able to sleep but nooooo 14 yo waits til I’m almost out and mom mom mom mom
    Anne recently posted..TidBitsMy Profile

  7. My daughter only wants to snuggle when I’m doing something…like blogging or making dinner…or going to the bathroom. What the hell is up with that?
    Beth @ Musing Mainiac recently posted..Favorite Book QuotesMy Profile

  8. Adrienne says:

    Haha!! That sucks. We’re passed the bed wetting, but my kids are assholes in all sorts of other areas. Like right now, “Mom, where’s the remote?”. “Mom, where did you put my drink?”, “Mom, what’s the answer to #4?” Don’t they know I’m trying to read blogs? WTH?
    Adrienne recently posted..Early Signs of Adult ADD (AKA My old day dreams)My Profile

  9. Pull ups???

    Lawn Boy’s twins don’t go through the night yet. The other day, his son came down the stairs and said, “Where should I put my pull up?” and I gave him a Walmart bag and he went up stairs, changed, and brought me the bad all tied up. LB was all, “How’d you do that???” :-)
    Single Mom in the South recently posted..Sleeping ArrangementsMy Profile

  10. Shell says:

    When it’s bedtime here, I just want to SLEEP. And I want quiet. And no one kicking me.

    If my boys get in bed with me, I’ll get kicked. It doesn’t matter if they are right beside me, they manage to kick me right in the face. It’s like a talent.

    We moved one of our couches into our bedroom and now if a little person comes in at night, they can stay in there- but only on the couch. I’d prefer if they stayed in their rooms, but I’ll take them on the couch instead of my bed if that is the best I can get.
    Shell recently posted..Old School BloggingMy Profile

  11. Josefine says:

    Laughing my ass off:p I have 4 kids too, 6,5,3 and 1. Number 1,3 and 4 all sleeps in what used to be me and my housbands bed, and if I don’t get peed on during the night I concider my selfe lucky xD


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