No, I Am Not Dead

In two weeks I’ve showered five times.

The hair on my legs was so long I could braid it.

Small animals could have nested in Veronica…yes, she was that funky…last time Eric visited there he got lost…

I’ve made almost nothing but nuggets, spaghetti, and eggs for dinner.


Because my house had been turned into a den of yuck.

A place of germs, sickness, funk, boogers, and whiny as fuck people….

I was the only healthy one…everyone was sick…

Which meant I had to take care of everyone and everything…

I bet you thought I had dropped dead since I haven’t posted anything in forever, but no, I’ve been so fucking exhausted I could barely see straight….and all the shit I’ve been meaning to write about I have since forgotten…

Brooke had a sinus infection and such funky boogers that were everywhere I had to change her sheets twice a day…

Jack had such wretched bronchitis and a double ear infection he needed a double shot of antibiotics at the doctor and days at home…

Blake kept complaining his ears hurt…

Hope had a funky viral thing that needed no medication but required that I drink heavily to cope with her whining…

And Eric…


Eric has been so sick he actually didn’t work for a week. In 13 years I’ve never seen him so sick. Bronchitis which totally fucked with his asthma.  We’re talking crazy antibiotics, steroids, breathing treatments, rescue inhalers, and other various shit I’ve been dosing him up with.  And the only reason he got all those drugs in because I made the doctor appointment, undressed him, put him in the shower, made him brush his teeth, lay out his clothes, lead him to the car, drive him to the doctor, sign him in, fill out his paperwork, and then march him back*….

God help me…

But now everyone is on the road to recovery, I’ve started showering regularly, and I’ve taken care of the body hair issue…

So stay tuned my friends…

Because this bitch? Is back…

*I may as well just start wiping his ass for him…


  1. Alison says:

    Oh shit, that sounds awful.
    Glad that everyone’s doing better.
    Trim tat bitch. Veronica that is.
    Alison recently posted..Memories Captured February Linkup, And Some NewsMy Profile

  2. Holy Cow, Mamma! I’m impressed you are still standing! Glad everyone is starting to feel better!
    Single Mom in the South recently posted..My Mother Comes to DinnerMy Profile

  3. Becca says:

    Oh, man, what a ride!!! Soooo sorry everyone has been sick. I just hope they appreciate your sacrifice and snake the shower drain for you when it backs up from all that hair, now that they’re feeling better…
    Becca recently posted..A Little New Perspective and Some (Possibly) Useful InformationMy Profile

  4. Damn girl, you deserve a medal..or at least a day at the spa.
    I had the flu for 2 solid weeks..not fun stuff but I still got up cooked, cleaned had company from out of town over and had to sit and be happy with them for 2 days. Hubby helped but you know it’s just easier for me to do it myself than it is to watch someone try and do it and mess it the hell up.

    Glad to hear everyone is getting better.
    Mary Kirkland recently posted..What Irritates Me…My Profile

  5. Holy crap. I don’t freakin’ envy you, that’s for sure. Glad everyone’s feeling better!

  6. Jenny says:

    Ha! And I was just going to message you on FB and ask where the fuck you were!!! I don’t have a million people on my FB, I keep it to the select few that I actually like…So your hilarious status updates and snarkiness was sorely missed in my news feed. Good to hear you’re back!!

  7. Kathren M says:

    Glad everyone is feeling better, I was missing your posts. You always keep me laughing with your awesome sense of humor.
    Kathren M recently posted..Children’s Mucinex® Multi-Symptom ColdMy Profile

  8. cyndy says:

    Well it’s about fucking time your’e back. It’s exhausting being the only bitch around.
    cyndy recently posted..On LoveMy Profile

  9. Tiffany says:

    I hope to God you’re all feeling better!!!
    Tiffany recently posted..Happy This WeekMy Profile


  1. The Big Bug says:

    [...] you all remember, my husband and kids have all been sick as fuck the last few weeks and I’m just starting to get my shit back [...]

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