Zumba is my soulmate workout…because as Penny told me when I was a child God wouldn’t have given you maracas if he didn’t want you to shake ‘em!*
But….
I was recently told that I need to shake up my workout every once in while, so in addition to also doing TurboFire at home and some light weights I dragged my reluctant ass to a spin class…
Yes…again…
Because if you remember, I’ve tried spin before, and I had some issues with the problem that comes along with spin class….
But since my ass is considerably smaller I thought, eh-surely it won’t be that bad….and it’s only an hour….
Guess what? I was wrong…it was that bad…
Not so much for ass…
It was Veronica…
She was so mad at me when I was done I feared she’d never be pleased with me again and allow anything near her, including Eric**…
So when the instructor asked me at the end of class if I enjoyed it I was honest*** and told her that I didn’t enjoy it due to the fact that my vagina was now howling…
And you know what her response was?
Oh, don’t worry, your vagina will callous up in a few weeks and you won’t even notice it anymore!
WHAT THE FUCK? WHO WANTS A CALLOUSED VAGINA? THIS IS NOT GOING TO BRING ME BACK TO CLASS!
Not to mention I’m fairly certain Eric doesn’t want to do a calloused vagina…but just in case I asked him…
And after he was done rolling his eyes at me he begged me to leave him alone and stop asking him ridiculous questions****.
But regardless of what Eric says or thinks, I’m pretty sure my ass isn’t going to be perched on that seat any time soon…
Do you spin? Does your vagina hurt and get calloused?
*who doesn’t love Dirty Dancing?
**which would be a shame because if knocking boots in the bedroom was an Olympic sport my man would get the gold…and I have the multiple orgasms to prove it….
***duh….like when am I anything but?
****which I take to mean that calloused or not he’d do this bitch like it was his job! oh yeah, I still got it!
Vagina stories, hahahaha!!
I’m actually really curious about spin and have contemplated trying it.
Now, maybe not so much.
Alison recently posted..Be Kind
no! now you have to try it and let me know how your vagina fared! go…
They have to make some sort of padded panty for that! I mean, they make special bike seats for boney bottoms… I know, because I was an unfortunate victim in a conversation with my mom regarding my dad’s pointy butt and need for a special bike seat!
I don’t Zumba, because God was a little less than generous when he handed me my maracas, so I don’t have anything to shake. I run (because heck, I barely need a sports bra) and do yoga… that is all.
Single Mom in the South recently posted..A Taste of Fall: Pumpkin Spice Truffles
it’s true. you do get used to the bike but i wouldn’t say it gets calloused. lol! give it another try. spin becomes addictive and i know you’ll love it. i’m jealous that you get to go.
maggie recently posted..Sick of Poop. Poop and Sick.
why don’t’ you get to go? does your gym not have child care?
lol, holly, i can’t afford a gym!
maggie recently posted..It’s November!
I swear I’m so freaking loose that my worry isn’t the callouses, it’s that the bike seat is going to go into my uterus.
Lexi Sweatpants recently posted..If I die in this hurricane, remember me this way:
just think though, if you have another baby it’ll probably just fall right out…
I will never look at the women who are in spin class the same again lol. I’d not torture your vagina with that again!
Can’t say I’ve ever done that particular class. LOL Don’t think I would do it again though.
Mary Kirkland recently posted..I Have A New Article Published
Snicker. No. I do not spin. If I’m going to perch my ass on something with that level of ugh, I must be granted appropriate scenery to go with it.
Jester Queen recently posted..Dancer
I see no appeal in a calloused vajayjay (or Vivian as you named mine).
NONE.
Yet another reason not to exercise. YAY!
dysfunctional mom recently posted..Quick Frags
glad I could help yet again…
Why don’t we hang out? You kill me.
Umm…does your seat need adjusted or anything? I’ve taken Spinning before and been kinda sore but never worried that Angelique would get calloused. I’d picket that fuckin class if I walked out with a calloused freaking vag.
P.S. Congratulations on still getting laid like a teenager, but with orgasms.
thanks! my hubs knows how to work it! And move to Florida, I need a new best friend. And I had the instructor adjust my seat before class, but maybe she’s an idiot…
Okay, so here’s the deal…you need to bring a big ‘work out towell’ in the class and fold it up in a nice cushiony square and drape it over your seat. I have done that and it WORKS! But my knees can’t handle it now…always some body part pitchin’ a fit.
Chris Carter recently posted..So Many Angels…
but will everyone look at me like a wimp? like my vagina can’t take it?
I spin…and my vagina is NOT calloused!!! I definitely have to wear the right kind of underwear…no silky thongs for sure.
Tiffany recently posted..Desperately Seeking Activities
what kind of undies?
And that is why I stick with Zumba……
Robin recently posted..Super Secret Surprise Date
right? Zumba is my sole mate workout
If you have to have a calloused vagina to spin then I will never go!!
Stephanie @ Babe’s Rockin’ Mami recently posted..Pumpkin Bars w/Cream Cheese Frosting!
I just finished a spin class and I really did not like it. At all. My butt hurt soo bad and all I could think about the entire class was on how on earth the instructor–the MALE instructor could stand it!!
Chaunie@TinyBlueLines recently posted..Buttoned Onsies Are The Devil
It’s going to callous up???? No, thank you.
Shell recently posted..Things They Can’t Say: The Mommyhood
on the bright side though, all us ladies could retire the “I have a headache” excuse to the “my vagina is too calloused” excuse…
I just love your stories! I have also a fat ass I need to get rid of, dont know yet how….But obveously not spinning….
Heidi Langer recently posted..Fredag er vaske dag
Holy Hannah! I could not stop laughing!!! As soon as she said “…your vagina…calloused up” the laughing started, boobs shaking and THEN I pictured your face going “What the FUCK?!” OH GOODNESS….here it starts again. Love it, my friend….just love it. AND this is exactly why I don’t do spin class OR ride a bike of any kind!