I Would Be A Queen

If I decided to hang out* at a nudist colony…

I know this to be true because I’ve watched enough specials on WE TV and Oxygen about fetishes and odd lifestyle choices to have a pretty good idea about the kind of people to frequent the colony…

Fat people.  Chunky people. People that really? You absolutely one hundred percent don’t want to see naked….

Which leads us back to me…I could be the Queen of the Chunky! Emperess of Fat! Goddess of Flabby Thigh Rub!

I’ve currently lost 21 pounds, which means I’m not so fat anymore that people would pay money to throw peanuts at me to catch in my mouth at the circus, but since I’m still 11 pounds away from my highest healthy weight, I can still be one of the chunksters at the colony and totally fit in…

And not only fit it, but be revered! Because as our modern day culture has showed us, we worship those that are skinny and boney and far too thin**…or at least thinner than we currently are….

Genius! Yes? I know! This is exactly the self confidence boost I need!

So who thinks I can convince Eric to be my king?

*get it? hang out? ha! I’m so fucking funny…

**and really? we need to stop digging that heroin chic look and start digging on the healthy looking people…like me, ahem

***Today I’m talking about my kids and what I think it means to have a sibling with Down syndrome to them over at Childswork..please go read and support with some comment love!


  1. I think people look better with a little meat on them, but that’s just me. I once saw this tiny, tiny woman at a clothes store and all the while she was putting my clothes in bags and taking my money, I wanted to unwrap the candy bar I had stashed in my purse for later and shove it in her mouth. Seriously..
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  2. Alison says:

    You’d totally be intimidating at a nudist colony, lady! I mean, the hair piece……. ;)
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  3. Deanna says:

    Haha, I love your posts! Funny you said, “healthy” people… My mother in law, who is 95 lbs soaking wet, once told my husband and I that we were not fat, we were “healthy”.. so now we always talk about how HEALTHY we are!!
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  4. Jester Queen says:

    Way to go on the 21 pounds!! I’m glad you’re shooting for healthy :)
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  5. Erin says:

    This is so funny!
    Congrats on the 21 pounds! That is just awesome!
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  6. Chris Carter says:

    SO funny!! I used to say “stick a bone in my nose and put me on the cover of National Geographic” because my boobs hung so low! ;) (Long story why I now have perky lopsided boobs now- can anyone say BRCA2?) Anyhoo- love LOVE the picture!! YOU ROCK!
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  7. Jessica says:

    You are hilarious and I love that this links to an emotional piece at Childswork. Although siblings and buttcracks do go hand in hand.
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  8. Alternately, go live in German – plenty of mainstream nudity there with all manner of bodies and age ranges.
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  9. Jill says:

    no miracle drug to lose that weight huh? hard work and exercise probably??? damn.
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  10. Maureen says:

    There’s a reason my husband prefers me pregnant– he likes me curvy. He complained every day after I lost 20 additional pounds after having our first baby because I wasn’t curvy enough. Lucky for him after I stopped breastfeeding those 20 came back. We need more people like him in this world, curves are good, obese isn’t but a few extra pounds never hurt anyone.

  11. Cricket Sosa says:

    hahaha love those drawings! Gotta love what kids do to our bodies!
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