Vaginas Rule and Balls Drool

I’m thankful for a great many things….

My children, my husband, Key Lime Pie martinis, s’mores, my grandma’s apricot Christmas cookies, Zumba….

The list really goes on and on…

But one of the things I’m most thankful for? Is my vagina…

Yup, you read that right….

I’m thankful for my vagina…and it has nothing to do with the fantastic sex it allows me.

It’s because if I have a vagina then that means I don’t have balls.

Because balls? Are weird.

Yup, balls creep me out…

The way they just hang there…hanging out…swinging back and forth like a damn pendulum…

I don’t have to move my vagina out of the way just to sit down….

My vagina doesn’t get stuck to the side of leg when I’m super hot and sweaty…

When I’m cold my vagina doesn’t get all scrunchy and scared….

And when I’m hot she doesn’t hang down to my knees….

My vagina is delightful, she’s soft and silky and most of the time she smells good too.

My vagina doesn’t get a funky heat rash if I’m out in the sun too long…in fact, my vagina is like a wonderful self cleaning oven-she keeps her PH balance just right all the time for maximum happy vagina-ness!

Balls are just out there in open, waiting to get hit or kneed or something slammed into them, but my vagina? Is nicely tucked away like a  little present waiting to be opened…

Oh yes, vaginas are obviously superior to balls….

Obviously….

Comments

  1. Alison says:

    This has to be the in the record books for having the word vagina in it the most times :)

    Yes, I like that we don’t have balls! They’re so…. cumbersome.
    Alison recently posted..Great ExpectationsMy Profile

  2. I don’t know…I might like to play with my balls..ya know, if I had some. LOL
    Mary Kirkland recently posted..Come Visit Me At I Smell SheepMy Profile

    • holly says:

      I daresay you would play with them if you had them…since every man I know has his hand down his pants all the freaking time!

  3. Mom off Meth says:

    I agree. I’ve said this many times before.
    Mom off Meth recently posted..I play with Jon HammMy Profile

  4. You crack me the hell up.
    Key Lime Pie Martinis are straight from heaven.
    I was recently accused of not having the ‘balls’ to do something. Um, EW?! Damn right I dont have balls!!
    dysfunctional mom recently posted..Happy FragmentsMy Profile

  5. Jody says:

    I concur, and great pic by the way
    Very well spoken!!

  6. Holland says:

    I lost it at your fantastic drawing. LOL.

  7. Fifth of Nine says:

    Best line in all of Seinfeld? When George and Jerry explain ‘shrinkage’ to Elaine, she comes back with ‘I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things! Have quoted it several times

  8. Crystal says:

    SO Obvious!

  9. Jester Queen says:

    That is hilarious. “most of the time she smells good too”. And yes, the droopy-dick-drawing is definitely delightful.
    Jester Queen recently posted..Great WhiteMy Profile

  10. Jayme says:

    BALLS! So glad that we do not have them too. They seem to get in the way a lot because guys are always adjusting themselves.
    Jayme recently posted..Some Days You Gotta DanceMy Profile

  11. I need to learn not to visit first thing in the morning. This snorting coffee out my nose thing is getting kind of old…and messy… plus it’s probably really bad for my computer!
    Single Mom in the South recently posted..Proud Mamma!My Profile

  12. Charity says:

    I love my vagina too she has never failed me!
    Charity recently posted..So you don’t like my blog…My Profile

  13. Oh how I laugh… as this has been my hot topic lately..and you worded it oh so well. I love you
    Becky Ryan- Willis recently posted..Memory Cards Game!!! from FRANKENWEENIEMy Profile

  14. So I found your blog because I was googling “saggy boobs” for a picture to make a friend laugh… and I found your MLK day blog… made me laugh so hard, so I posted a link to your blog in my weight loss group on FB… THIS is hysterical! That, and the how I now pee post… fantastic illustrations… LOL

    • holly says:

      thank you! I love my crappy drawings too! and that’s so funny I come up with saggy boobs…I’ll have to do a search!

  15. Nikki1778 says:

    Haha, really funny blog, and so true!

    Im extremely glad to have a vagina, having balls would suck and be weird! You’d be constantly protecting them all the time lol.

  16. Shell says:

    I can’t believe I missed this. I had to listen to “Mom, what are you laughing at?” from my boys. Nothing, kids. *scrolls down quickly*
    Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: What Happened to that Girl?My Profile

Trackbacks

  1. [...] From what I hear, balls are pretty cumbersome to carry around, wearing underwear? somewhat helps yield them [...]

  2. [...] I’ve already covered why vaginas are far superior to the penis. [...]

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge