Not Even a Coffee Table

My kids have ruined all of my shit…

I used to have nice things….

And I used to dream of having even nicer things….

Combing magazines and browsing in furniture stores I’d imagine how beautiful my home would look one day….

And then I had four children…who have systematically gone through through every room in my house and ruined my furniture…broken my picture frames…stained my carpet….

I’m not kidding…in every room something is broken.

Hope has broken the door off of the chifferobe in her bedroom, the boys have broken the knobs off of some of their dresser drawers…

Come into my living room and you’ll see a sofa table with a missing glass pane and a couch with a rip in one* of the arms…oh, and are you looking for a coffee table to put your cup of coffee on? Not going to happen, they broke the leg off of that sucker, so now we just use a big ottoman…

In my kitchen I have to constantly scrub the walls and the grout….well, I’d have to constantly scrub the walls and the grout if I cared….if my children haven’t already sucked my will away…

My bedroom boasts a headboard that doesn’t quite connect to the bed frame anymore**….

We’re planning in moving within the next few months, tossing most of our stuff and starting with fresh furniture…

What do you think? Do you think the kids are old enough to not destroy it? Or am I screwed until every last one of them is out of the house?

*fine, two of the arms

**yeah, I’m totally blaming the kids…shut up


  1. Alison says:

    Buy IKEA stuff – they look nice enough for a while and they’re cheap enough to ruin without breaking too many hearts. At least, that’s what we tell ourselves that.
    Alison recently posted..UnexpectedMy Profile

  2. Becca says:

    Becca recently posted..RemembranceMy Profile

    • holly says:

      picture an English wardrobe, but it has two drawers on the bottom and only one side is a closet with a door, the other side is shelves….I just had to have it when I was pregnant and though it used to be gorgeous, it’s so impractical

  3. Stacey says:

    We’ve lived overseas for the last 6 years during which time I’ve accumulated two more children. Since my husband works for the gov. we have the benefit of using Embassy furniture. Next summer we’ll move back home and “gasp” have to buy our own. I’m terrified. The kids are so hard on the furniture. My plan is to by everything off Craigslist. That way we’ll actually have stuff to sit on and eat off without me crying every time they break something. I’m keeping a dream house Pinterest board for all of the ideas I like for the day, 16 years from now, when my last child moves out.
    Stacey recently posted..DIY Ninja MaskMy Profile

  4. Mom Off Meth says:

    I tried to figure out how old your kids are, but I too have 4. 14 years down to 9 years. My answer is no, they are never too old to wreck your stuff. Every, We have holes, stains, paint chips, burned linoleum, and basically something awful in every room. When the last little darling leaves this home, I will then start having it my way. Until then, it is all about survival.

    Good luck. Love your blog and you have a beautiful family.

  5. Melissa says:

    When I got a new couch, I did the best I could to kid proof it… Its a chocolate brown, it hides stains well… I had them scotch guard the daylights out it… And the most lovely part, the fabric for each cushion zips off and is machine washable and dryable…

    Outside of that, I have no recommendations… I don’t have a coffee table either… My little ones kept bashing their faces with it and standing on top of it, so we just stored it away…

  6. Jenny says:

    I’m not buying new shit until my kids are O.U.T. of my house! What’s the point?! Oh, and we had a coffee table once upon a time…But Neleah sat on it and broke it…Now I use a wooden toy box in the living room because I refuse to buy another one! HA!

  7. Summer says:

    I have three boys and a husband, and I have nice shit. Of course, I have to jump up and down, screaming like an idiot to keep it nice, and even then it’s a crap shoot. I don’t allow shoes in my house or balls to be thrown— that seems to cut down on the shattering. I mean, it’s unnecessary. Keep that shit outside.

    I have a coffee table with glass in it. When the kids were babies they would bump their heads on it (rarely), but now at 4,5, and 11— it’s never an issue. I have our couches arranged around the coffee table – not conducive to running. I have leather furniture in our living room, but I don’t allow food or drink out of the kitchen. My kids don’t care, and their friends never seem to mind either. Now… my den is another story. Aside from the food/drink policy, I have allowed them to do whatever. They have destroyed the furniture in there. I plan on reclaiming that room in a few months– buy some different furniture and arrange it in a non-jumping fashion. :) Good Luck.
    Summer recently posted..Ridin’ SoloMy Profile

  8. Sorry hon, you’re screwed….. cause even when they are grown, in homes of their own, they will STILL back and destroy your shit. Sorry. (Course you could try and leave all the kids for the new owners???) We never did move so I never got to try that tip.
    Connie Gruning recently posted..Udi Gluten Free Foods Back to School Lunch Challenge!!My Profile

    • holly says:

      and I just realized that even after my kids are gone they’ll start breeding and sending their kids over to ruin my shit….I’ll truly never win

  9. Jester Queen says:

    S-C-R-E-W-E-D. Welcome to the club. We’ll call our selves the hold-your-own-coffee-because-I-don’t-have-a-table club.
    Jester Queen recently posted..A Modest Proposal (No Babies Will Be Eaten In This Blog Post)My Profile

  10. Anndei says:

    Mom of four, soon to be five BOYS here, and we just learned to live with the ripped leather couches (which are now taped with electrical tape!), wobbly legs, and gray/brown carpet that used to be white (I know, I chose white carpet!!!!!…what was I thinking? It looked reeeally good in the model home!!) We do have 3 rooms in the house that are off-limits for the kids: formal dining, formal living and morning room, but try to explain that to the stupid cat!!!!
    With that said, I’d wait until the youngest is at least 10, at least at that age they try to conceal the damage they cause!!! Save your $$ and your sanity ’til then. Good luck

    • holly says:

      my carpet is beige, or it’s supposed to be, and I’ve gotten it cleaned so much that the company told us they don’t rec us doing it anymore because of all the chemicals…damn….that’s bad

  11. Maris King says:

    Oh, that’s really a ruined experience.
    But I guess, it would be better if you start buying nice stuff after kids gets older.
    Maris King recently posted..Advantages of Timber Bifold Windows & Doors in Home Restoration ProjectsMy Profile

  12. Cricket Sosa says:

    This made me laugh only because I only have 1 and I have so much broken crap! Stained crap, ruined crap, and taped together or glued crap!!!
    Cricket Sosa recently posted..New Dads Survival Guide CUTE!My Profile

  13. May as well get whatever new furniture you want and take lots and lots of pictures of it so you have something to remember how great it looked before the kids and hubby got a hold of it. In the past 20 years we’ve gone through 7 couches, 3 recliners, 3 dining rooms sets, 6 beds, tons of lamps, 4 dressers, 4 tv’s, 8 coffee tables *why is it these get broken more often that anything else?*, 3 curio cabinets, 6 book shelves, and 8 computers..*The first 3 computer we screwed up because we didn’t know we needed to have anti virus or that we needed to delete the cookies and browsing history…lol*

    Now I get what I want and try to keep it around for as long as possible..when it breaks I just save up for something else.
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  14. Adrienne says:

    Haha! Yes, I feel your pain. I want a new couch, but I’m holding out.
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  15. I will hope that they are big enough to let you have your nice stuff!!
    stephanie @ babe’s rockin’ mami recently posted..Being a GrownupMy Profile

  16. Jo-anne says:

    Sorry hon but I would wait until they moved out …
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  17. Cyndy says:

    No way in HELL are they old enough.
    But I’m glad it’s not just me.
    Cyndy recently posted..Happy FragmentsMy Profile

  18. Tara says:

    No way in hell are yours old enough yet. I truly regret buying ourselves our first *new* piece of furniture when we did. We love it but it doesn’et look so great after it got painted with the black food dye….oh well live and learn and wait till they leave!

  19. Charity says:

    I’ve replaced my furniture several times in the last seven years. My newest set dining room tabel, leather couch and TV unit purchased 14 months ago already looks like they are years old. Sophie thinks the TV unit is a chew toy it looks antique at this point. The dining room table is full of scratches and dents and the sofa well lets just say they think its a trampoline!
    Charity recently posted..So you don’t like my blog…My Profile

  20. I say, go ahead and get some new stuff, but nothing too nice. Your kids are still young enough that some shit’s gonna go down. Hit up IKEA!
    just JENNIFER recently posted..How do I proceed?My Profile

  21. Kristin says:

    I kinda just want to keep the kids out back in a tent. But it snows a lot here – dang. We do however, just use carpet remnants from Home Depot to hide the thrashed floors. We replace them about once a year. Costs about $100 – no cleaning required. No installing, no padding – just use it like a full room area rug.
    Kristin recently posted..Not QuiteMy Profile

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