Just In Case You Needed Reasons…

*this is one of my favorite guest posts I wrote, and I decided to share it with you guys, because everyone needs reminding of why I rock…duh…I’ve just had to tweak it a bit…you know….like nipples….

I assume that because you all are here it’s because you positively adore me….but just in case you ever find yourself wondering why the hell do I read that crazy bitch’s blog? I decided to give you a few reasons….

1. I’ve mastered the art of ignoring my children. Are you looking to have your children play alone or with their little friends while putting yourself into a caffeine induced coma with your fellow moms? Well then! You’ve found the right girl! Sure, there may be crayon on the carpet and walls, smushed up goldfish in the couch, and underwear getting flushed down the toilet…but if you’re relaxed from sitting on your butt, clean up will be a breeze!

2. One of my favorite words is vagina. Vagina Vagina Vagina!! And seriously? Who doesn’t love someone who drops the word vagina? Or has funny vagina stories? Like how mine was sad recently because she wasn’t getting enough attention?

3. I’m pretty.

4. I’m modest.

5. I’m a liar*.

6. I’m  overly fond of the word fuck…and some of my posts are filled with the expletives I keep cooped up inside all day so as not to piss away my husbands hard earned money on therapy for the kids. Everyone loves a friend with a filthy mouth, so be mine! And if you don’t like people who drop the F bomb, come over and read me anyway, you’ll leave having a sense of superiority you don’t deserve! So everyone wins! Yay!

7.  I have a big ass and if you want I’ll let you spank it…because real friends? Don’t mind getting grabby…

8. I’m super lazy, so if you’re my friend you’ll always feel better about the state of your home, how clean your car is,  and how put together your children are…because this mama? Is one hot mess most of the time**, so read my page, and you’ll always leave knowing that at least one person is worse off as you….

There you have it…why I rock and why you should be my friend…it’s a compelling list…why you’re not tweeting me random nonsense already I don’t know…so hop to it!

*which may not seem like a good trait, but when you ask me if your ass looks fat or if your children are Satan’s spawn I’ll always give you the answer you want to hear! Yay me!

**hey, these blog posts aren’t going to write themselves…

Comments

  1. Heather says:

    Love! I totally need a friend with a trucker mouth who cleans less than I do. And who thinks that ignoring their children is a trait to be proud of!

  2. Alison says:

    You don’t have to give me reasons, I like you well enough!! (well, except when you eat boogers on video)
    Alison recently posted..PrioritiesMy Profile

  3. I think you are hilarious. Love your posts.
    Mary Kirkland recently posted..Twitter WednesdayMy Profile

  4. I read you because you are pretty. It’s true.
    tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..I’ll Be FineMy Profile

  5. I didn’t need any reasons! But I laughed anyway. :P
    dysfunctional mom recently posted..Who Broke the Baby???My Profile

  6. Stacey says:

    I tend to be a silent reader, but man I so wish we lived down the street from you. I’d be your overly boring friend who was always calling to be entertained but I’m sure can appreciate a girl who feels the need to ignore her kids and hang with a bottle of red.
    Stacey recently posted..Upcycled Kitchen ChairMy Profile

  7. Carrie says:

    I love a fellow foul mouthed fucker. Especially if your house is less clean than mine.
    Carrie recently posted..Soft Scrub Total Review & GiveawayMy Profile

  8. Shell says:

    And this is why I adore you!
    Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: A Kind WordMy Profile

  9. Sarah K. says:

    Haha to #1. Yesterday my kid managed to draw a 3 by 4 foot wall mural In purple crayon while I was in the same room chilling on the computer. I think you and I would get along fine.
    Sarah K. recently posted..Mama is a liar.My Profile

  10. I always need someone around to make me feel better about myself. When’s the playdate? ;]
    stephanie @ babe’s rockin’ mami recently posted..Sinners Burn in Hell aka the 1% Milk DisasterMy Profile

  11. Tiffany says:

    I didn’t need a reminder of why I love you…but I enjoyed it anyway! And I didn’t know Eric was a caterer?? :)
    Tiffany recently posted..Happy This WeekMy Profile

  12. You may have just became my new fave read! I love this! I am, of course, now following you!
    Forgetful Mom recently posted..Messy Friday: Finger Painting LeavesMy Profile

  13. Bev says:

    I love that this is filed under “I have a fat ass.”
    Bev recently posted..You Glow, Girl!My Profile

  14. Strange… this sounds more like why I rock! Were we twins separated at birth???
    The Lovely One recently posted..Real MenMy Profile

  15. Well I just found you from SITS, and happy I did. As a mom of four as well, I need a little bad ass in my life! :)
    Nicole {at} Modern Style Mama recently posted..What’s Different Around Here!?My Profile

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge