I Shit You Not

When Eric and I first moved in together, I would not even take a shit if he was in the apartment at the same time as me.

I was 19, thin and sexy. I had long blond hair and perky breasts. I was cute and funny and I most certainly did not want my boyfriend to know that I did anything as unattractive as move my bowels.

No crapping for this gal!

Luckily, when Eric and I first starting shacking up I was working days and he was working nights, so I was usually able to have my privacy and ensure the bathroom was smelling lilac fresh before my beloved arrived back home….

But man…Oh man….there were some days my eyeballs would be brown and shit would practically be coming out my ears as I waited for him to leave for work….

And then oh…the sweet sweet release…better than the newly uninterrupted have sex anytime you want sex…

And you all know how awesome that sex is…mmmm yeah….

Anyway…

Shitting…

As you’re probably thinking, I couldn’t keep that up…and not for lack of trying to pretend that nothing foul ever passed out of my ass, but really, because we started working together…and when you work together and live together there is no privacy to be had…ever.

And so Eric eventually discovered that his sexy girlfriend pooped…

And though I was a bit upset and having been discovered, I daresay my ass was thanking me…

Since it was finally able to unclench….

Comments

  1. Alison says:

    *snort* You are hilarious.
    Alison recently posted..You Know You Live With Children When….My Profile

  2. Heidi Ehle says:

    Before Liddy was born, I never farted. Well, so rarely that I can say never. lol The first time I ever let one go (probably because I couldn’t help it) my dh was appalled! Well, the third kid is apparently the charm since now I’m dangerously close to the fart when you walk stage. hehe And dh is still as grossed out now as he was back then. Why in the world is it okay for males to let it go, smell up the house and be proud of it but if a female does it, its disgusting??? If you figure it out, let me know. One small thing I will never understand!
    Heidi Ehle recently posted..17 years……My Profile

  3. Kristin says:

    Hmmm…Something must be wrong with me…I never had this inhibition. I’ve been pooping, farting and burping since the beginning and maybe even upped the ante since having kids. I mean…he saw me give birth. What’s a little gas! LOL Keepin it classy!!

    • holly says:

      oh yeah, since the kids came it’s game on….especially right after the c section when they tell you to keep farting….

  4. Cyndy says:

    See, I’m too old to hold it in. It’s literally physically impossible. Which makes maintaining that dainty image a little tricky (and I’m in a new relationship!). I try but DAMN!!! Sometimes when you gotta go…………..

  5. Jester Queen says:

    I’d have died. I think my husband-then-boyfriend knew I shat the first night I ever stayed over. Force a nature and all.
    Jester Queen recently posted..ThreeMy Profile

  6. A says:

    I used to try and keep it all pretty pretty in the beginning but now it’s not a big deal. If I try to make him leave the room he always says it’s no worse than seeing life come shooting out of my vagina, so I guess I should stop worrying. ;) (and yes, my second child came that quick…lol)

  7. *giggle/snort* You are too funny.
    Mary Kirkland recently posted..Freebie FridayMy Profile

  8. I currently find myself in a similar situation…not the living together thing… but the other… so on the rare occasion that we are able to spend a whole night together, after my morning coffee… yup, I can totally relate to this!
    Of course, it occurs to me that if this one sticks, there will be a total of 5 children in the house, so the opportunity for that whole we can anytime we want thing, will not be there! Second marriages *sigh*
    Single Mom in the South recently posted..Friday Fragments: The Complaining OneMy Profile

  9. Mom off Meth says:

    That is HILARIOUS. Same here. When I got married (at 21) my hubby was in the Marines. So we had a long distance relationship up until then. And I moved to California with him. When he was home on weekends it was torture. I’m not sure exactly when I stopped caring, but we hardly shut the door up in this crib anymore. We’ve come a long way, baby.

    He probably wishes there was more mystery there. But whateves.
    Mom off Meth recently posted..Today, I’m going to bitch a lot.My Profile

  10. Cricket Sosa says:

    I love this! That was me for a bit, then one day I got food poisoning and wound up in the bathroom for like an hour… it was all down hill from there lol he discovered this girl has her gross moments!
    Cricket Sosa recently posted..So COMPLETELY DifferentMy Profile

  11. Charity says:

    You are hysterical! I think that is something the majority of us do. It took me a good 5-6 years before I allowed my husband to even shower with me because I thought my body was ugly after having my first child. But I got over it.
    Charity recently posted..So you don’t like my blog…My Profile

  12. Tiffany says:

    Yeah…I got over that pretty quickly!
    Tiffany recently posted..Skull-tasticMy Profile

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