The Fattest Bridesmaid

That’s what I’m going to be this coming April if I don’t get my fat ass into gear…

One of my oldest, bestest friends is engaged and has honored me with the title of bridesmaid…you know, along with six other lucky ladies…

Six very thin lucky ladies…

Like not fat…not chunky…not me…

So if I don’t want to end up on some creepy porno website like chunkybridesmaids dot com, I have some work to do…

Because this?


Is not a picture I want to remember…and not just because I’m terrified Tracey‘s going to put us in some fucking ridiculously ugly dress…

So I’m going to do something about it…

And shut the fuck up, I know what you’re thinking…that I’ve said it before…many times…

Well this time I mean it…because I don’t want to be the fat bridesmaid…

And this time I know it’s going to happen…because I’m paying Annie a crazy amount of money to baby sit me while I exercise and eat properly…

Starting August 6th…so don’t give me shit about the McFlurry I’m eating right now while watching The Real World reruns…

So let’s all say goodbye to these 35 pounds hanging out unwelcome on my frame…

Bye Bye Back Fat…

Comments

  1. Alison says:

    You’ll be stunning by April.
    Alison recently posted..BrothersMy Profile

  2. Mark says:

    I’m sure you’ll outshine the bride in April. But I’ll miss the old you. As you know, chunky girls make the best Fag Hags.
    m.
    Mark recently posted..Freeze-Frame!My Profile

  3. I am getting up at 5:30 to run (or jog until I feel like hurling) so I can shed about 35 lbs. It sucks but I am going to do it this time. Keep us updated on your progress….. maybe it will motivate my lazy butt to keep going.

  4. Heather says:

    No one wants to be the fat bridesmaid. I totally admire you motivation to get on top of this so early. If it was me I would be waiting until March and then crying myself to sleep every night over a bowl of ice cream because there was no way I could make it happen!

    Good luck! I can’t wait to hear about it!

    • holly says:

      I was the chunky gal at my friend Theresa’s wedding last year and don’t want a repeat..especially since I am in the wedding party…

  5. Angie says:

    Enjoy that McFlurry (which season of RW?) & know that we’re all rooting for you. You’re going to kick that 35 pounds’ ass and look frakkin’ fabulous in April. :-)

  6. stacy says:

    you are beautiful, Holly, really! Focus on nutrition, exercise, not weight.. i am telling you, but if you must just give all the other bridesmaids gift for cookies of the month club or something.. they are all too skinny anyway i am sure. and you are the only one with the matching bow to your dress and that counts for a lot! you are the best!

  7. Bye bye! You can do it! I’ve been on a ‘journey’ to lose 175 pounds and I’m getting there so you can do it too!!

  8. Ange says:

    I need to be getting my ass in gear again too. I gained 11 pounds since I stopped smoking.

  9. Losing weight is a bitch . . . but I can’t think of better motivation! Good luck sweetie!
    Jenn [ Crippled Girl ] recently posted..An August of FirstsMy Profile

  10. Good Luck!
    Mary Kirkland recently posted..I Won Second place in The Kick Butt First Line contest!My Profile

  11. Lisa Hollis says:

    Promise to not make fun of all us fat lazy bitches when you get skinny again? Because I am sooo anti-exercise!

  12. Jester Queen says:

    And when you’re done, you can enjoy the benefits of living without all that extra baggage. Ugh. My body is jealous. Its extra fifty pounds are smug.
    Jester Queen recently posted..Noise pollutionMy Profile

  13. Erin says:

    You’re gonna be a great bridesmaid! Think of the perks, usually the wedding party drinks for free :)
    Erin recently posted..Movie Review ~ Magic MikeMy Profile

  14. A says:

    Please don’t do some fad shake diet or eating only spinach leaves and coconut shavings or some shit! Do it the healthy way. Exercise and eat healthy. Make it fun. You can do it girl! Give yourself little goals every week or two and celebrate those (not with food). Just don’t quit and try and lose it all in March. ;) Good Luck Momma! We are all here cheering you on.

  15. vanessa says:

    A wedding is great motivation! You can doo eeettt! (insert funny mexican accent here lol) Remember, set backs happen, but there’s always a new day tomorrow! I’ve been doing the same thing for different reasons, and being down 50lbs is a great feeling. However, when April comes, I can always send my 3yr old over to spill stuff on the skinny ones. Skinny don’t matter if you look like a hot mess lol!

  16. Laura says:

    I’ve got 40 to lose. I feel your pain!
    Laura recently posted..18 Months Old: Drumming Time!My Profile

  17. Tere says:

    Yep, been there. Understand that whole situation.
    I’ve got a couple to lose… and damn, it’s hard!
    Hang in there. You will be great!
    Tere recently posted..its a not so exciting dayMy Profile

  18. I started running again, which means I’m totally desperate! I’ve gained 12 pounds since I met Lawn Boy! :-( Sheesh!
    Sorta Southern Single Mom recently posted..I Remembered! Adventures in TextingMy Profile

  19. Thanks to my father who informed me on the topic of this web site, this weblog is
    in fact awesome.
    alexia designs bridesmaids recently posted..alexia designs bridesmaidsMy Profile

Trackbacks

  1. [...] you know, part of this recent fitness movement** is because I don’t want to be the fattest bridesmaid come April at one of oldest bestest friends’ wedding, but also because I’m tired of [...]

  2. [...] while I may be turning into a hot piece of ass so that I’m not the fattest bridesmaid I have a confession to [...]

  3. [...] There’s also been financial crap that I won’t bore you with….but suffice to say that all the stress has caused me to gain back all the weight I have previously lost which means that in a couple of weeks I will indeed be the fattest bridesmaid… [...]

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge