My New Year (Un)Resolutions

I said it last year, and I’ll say it this year…I can’t fucking stand New Year Resolutions

Sure, it’s a new year, a new beginning, but if you want to be a better person or make a change, don’t wait for a reason, just do it!

So in the spirit of loathing resolutions, here is a list of my (un)resolutions…which are things I damn well ain’t gonna change…

1. My fucking potty mouth. I get shit every once in a while, both here and on my fan page, where people tell me how unattractive my swearing is. And to that I say, it’s my page, so fuck off…because fuck? is the best word ever. It’s a verb- Go fuck yourself! It’s a noun-He’s such a dumb fuck! It’s an adverb-She’s so fucking stupid! And it’s so much more…try it, you’ll like it!

2. My narcissism…because this sassy bitch?

Is damn cute*!

3. My bad habits. Yup, you guessed right…I’m going to keep picking my nose, popping blackheads, and squeezing pimples well into 2012! Yay! Boogers Rule!

4. My gossiping. Yup, that’s right. I gossip. But don’t you worry…I do it the right way, you know, behind your back…that way your feelings won’t be hurt….

5. My use of the good pillows. Eric may work damn hard all day, but this bitch can not sleep well without firm neck and head support…so I get the $40 pillow and Eric get’s the $10 pillow. Why the discrepency in monetary value? Because when out shopping he told me not to spend too much, so I splurged on me. Big fucking surprise….

6. My love of the V-neck shirt. When your best feature is your DD breasts, you flaunt it…because I think showing off my boobs makes my ass look way smaller**. So I wear them everywhere, from the gym to volunteering….don’t worry, the kids love seeing them!

7. My love of The Challenge on MTV. Some people say my taste in TV is juvenile, and to that I say you’ve obviously never seen CT without his shirt on punching some punk in the face…drunk hot messes rule!

8. And my love of making lists of shit I like and don’t like…

What about you? Do you do the resolution thing? Or are you like me and blow it off?

*aren’t those earrings gorgeous?! Tricia was kind enough to make them and send them to me for my birthday, and no, she didn’t ask for a plug, but here’s one anyway, go visit her shop and get yourself some awesomely beautiful jewelry!

**just amuse me people…

Comments

  1. Broot says:

    Fuck, that’s a good list. ;) I didn’t make any resolutions either, and I still won’t. :)

  2. Kristin says:

    I might make one or two resolutions… uh, who I am I kidding? No I won’t.

  3. I am posting an Unresolutions list tomorrow!

    Don’t worry about your potty mouth. You can talk however you want!

  4. I do not make resolutions. I stopped a few years ago. I figured what’s the point, you make them, break them and then feel guilty about not keeping them. I can do without the guilt.

  5. Happy New Year and welcome back. I love your list and that you say fuck. I wish I could say fuck more. truly. xo

  6. I don’t swear… I don’t mind other who do… but I’m a teacher, it’s sort of frowned upon… I do however have a very creative list of substitutes… things like flip and fudge and “Shut the front door!”

    And you are cute! I love your confidence… if you could bottle some up and send it to me, that would be GREAT!

    Thanks for the New Year laugh… needed it this morning! ;-)

  7. Robin says:

    There’s no other word in the English language that has the same punch as the word fuck. Fact. Plus it’s fun to say at inappropriate times.

    Boogers DO rule.

  8. Fuckin’ aye right

  9. Ange says:

    I am glad you are not going to change; I like you for YOU.

    Happy New Year.

  10. Teresa says:

    I try to save my curse words for when I have an angry moment… but that’s almost every day. Especially if husband is around. I don’t swear on my blog, but maybe I’ll start. ;) And I recently cut my hair off. It looks similar to yours. Where do you get those cute flowers? Are they barrettes?

  11. CT = Yummy
    Fuck = Best Word Ever

    Happy Fucking New Year (I think this is the first time I’ve ever commented…I think I like the way you think).

  12. Kimberly says:

    I don’t make resolutions. I make lists of things I might get around to doing at some point this year. Because fuck resolutions that I might not do. Not to mention, with baby three on the way, I don’t have time to worry about a list of shit that I probably won’t do anyway. If no one dies and my kids don’t get picked up by CPS, we’re all good. (Kidding, about the CPS thing. They obviously won’t because I’m an awesome parent.)

    But I totally love your list.

  13. Mercurial says:

    What’s better than the word “Fuck”? I’ll tell you…it’s combining the word with a way to completely piss off all religious zealots and/or send yourself straight to hell…For fucking christs sakes! I feel so powerful. And damned.

  14. Kathren says:

    I don’t do the resolution thing either, I think it’s stupid and fucking pointless. No one ever really does what they say their gonna to any fucking way. :) Keep being your wonderful self and I’ll keep being my wonderful self. :D Happy New Year!

  15. sheena gossett says:

    i’m in love with you!!!!

    you make me laugh & personify everything i wish i had the balls to do. keep swearing,, keep wearing v-necks, keep being yourself.

    happy new year

  16. Lori A. says:

    No resolutions for me. I disappoint myself enough without actually making a list of how I’m going to do it.

  17. Ally says:

    Potty mouth makes me feel better about my own swearing. So you keep at it, k? My version of this list was resolutions I’m not going to keep. Same diff. I don’t do resolutions either. And for the record, I’m totally guilty with #3 and picking my face – the blackheads and pimples, that is. ;-)

  18. Tiffany says:

    Yes, Holly, yes! Please don’t change!!

  19. Renee says:

    Yeah, I don’t really do the resolution thing either. Just remind myself that it’s a new year and I need to keep doing what I’m doing. Fuck it! There’s no need to fix a fabulous thing. ;)

  20. Ashley T says:

    Bahahaha! You crack me up. Gossiping the “right” way. LOVE. and by the way, you are fucking awesome! :) Can’t wait to continue reading!

  21. Bella says:

    Still waiting on figuring out whether I’ll have goals or not. I usually do goals and then don’t follow through. Maybe this year I won’t do goals and something will actually change? Or not. Happy New Year!

  22. Oh My God. You could be my twin. But I pretend to be a “nice mommy” on my blog. IT KILLS ME some days.

    I’ll come over here and live vicariously through you. :)

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge