The Ear Suck

A bit of back story…Eric gets ear infections…a few a year…he always has, ever since he was a kid…he needs tubes, but will he get them? No! So whatever…

Driving home from dinner out and a trip to Target tonight….

Eric: Babe, this hurts so bad, and I can’t really hear anymore…

Me: Sorry sweetie…if I could help you I would!

Eric: Would you suck the wax out of my ear?  I think that’s the part of the problem.

Me: No, but I would hire someone to do it for you…there’s got to be some weird perv out there that likes to suck ears…

Eric: I don’t want some crazy guy sucking my ears..I really want you to do it.

Me: Uh, I thought you were joking, but there’s no way I’m going to suck your ear.

Eric: Please

Me: No

Eric: Please

Me: No

Eric: Please! I’m begging you, it really hurts and I think that would work!

Me: No! I’m not doing it, that’s disgusting! What if I sucked so hard that a big wad of earwax lodged itself in my throat! That’s gross, stop asking…

Five minutes later…still in the car…

Eric: What are you doing?

Me: Picking my nose, why?

Eric: See! You love gross stuff! This should be right up your alley!

Me: Babe, I love you, but there is no way I’m sucking your ear wax out! Stop, you’re grossing me out….

Five minutes later….

No, it didn’t work…

Yes, my mouth is really that big*…

And yes, I actually kind of enjoyed doing it**…

*making Eric one lucky son of a bitch…

**read: really enjoyed it! Eric had to make me stop….


  1. OMG gross. I’m worried about you.

  2. Mark says:

    Heterosexual sex is so odd. I’ll never understand you people.
    Happy sucking!

  3. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

  4. I think I just threw up a little right into my mouth.

  5. SarahJo says:

    Me: No, but I would hire someone to do it for you…there’s got to be some weird perv out there that likes to suck ears… ***

    *** YOU!!! your “some weird perv” !!!!

    But like you said they must be out there, one that likes to suck on ears…. and that person is YOU!! ewww gross. so you like to sniff stinky ears and suck on clogged ears? ok then, whatever gets ya off.. I can see it now next *mommy and daddy time*…. “Babe, so can I suck on your ear again???”

  6. Lisa says:

    OMG I tried so hard not to read this – the title alone (along with thumbnail pic) screamed “stay away!” But alas, it is your blog that I cannot keep away from. And do I regret reading that? Meh, must be not too much, because your blog is my sick little secret! (My stomach, however, did flip flop :/)

  7. Tina says:

    Try ear candles. OMG they are awesome on my hubby’s gross waxy ears! TOTALLY suck the wax out! Health food or holistic shops carry them.

  8. Uh, they have little plastic sucky things for that. It comes in a kit, with a little blue plastic bubble looking sucky thing and some drops to loosen the wax. lol The things looks just like that they use on newborns to clean out their mouths.

  9. Ange says:

    Ok, while I will admit that I LOVE popping pimples (Jason’s least favorite thing for me to do to his body) I could never, and I mean NEVER do that! When he asked you to suck the ear wax out I figured you would use some kind of tool for that.

    You may just want to make a doctors appointment.

  10. tania says:

    ewww gross! lol
    You take being a dedicated wife to a whole new level.

  11. Ally says:

    You know, they have drops that soften that nasty wax so it comes out on its own. I know this because they work, though we always forget to use them on my teenage son who has the driest, thickest, nasty ear wax. I became a medical expert at removing it when he was younger and I watched the doctor do it. I even have a tool. Because I’m not taking him in and paying a copay everytime that stuff gets gross! But, uh, no sucking here.

  12. Sela Toki says:

    Speechless. LOL. I’d have to say you really do love your husband. You’re outrageous woman. Too funny this post.

  13. Dixie Stevenson says:

    Truly, I love you and your gross story. Secretly I love the disgusting too.

  14. Oh ewwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    My husband once asked me to stick my hand into the toilet bowl to unplug it because he’d taken such a huge shit, it was blocked. We weren’t even married then. He said, if you loved me. I gave him some cash and told him to buy a plunger.

  15. I think I would need to start carrying Q-tips in the car!

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