Oh Yes, Christmas is Here…

There’s always a little bit of dysfunction and craziness during the holidays…and I’m not even talking about my family yet…just some of my holiday decor….

And because I know your asses are practically falling off the edge of your seats in anticipation of the crazy I speak of, I shall share with you…because I’m that awesome*…

Eric thinks I’m going straight to Hell for this sacrilegious pose Hermey indulged in. But I personally think the baby Jesus got a kick out being held by Santa’s elf…and he probably asked Hermey to put in a good word for him so he’d get some better gifts…because really? The gold was cool, but frankincense and myrrh? Can’t we get the son of God some better gifts?

Tonight I told Jack that the Abominable Snowman was real and if he wasn’t a good boy I was going to send him to the North Pole to live with him…Jack then cried**…

This is Jack’s first Christmas ornament, except we just got it two years ago when he was three. Yes, I’m that bad of a mother…but at least I cared enough to search far and wide for a generic ornament with no year so I could pass it off as the year he was born***.

My kids have no idea that other mothers put little treats in the advent calendar…mine are excited just to open the door and count down the days…

This is a Nativity scene Jack made in preschool last year. Yes, the baby Jesus is a wine cork with googly eye stickers. Yes, the baby Jesus has ended up in Hope’s mouth. I just feel like the whole thing is wrong…

I have absolutely no idea what the hell Noel means…I’m assuming another word for Christmas in another language…but I don’t really care enough to google it….

What crazy Christmas shit do you have around?

*if you think I’m awesome too I am totally accepting present for my birthday that’s on the 17th…

**Mother of the Year right here! Where’s that damn trophy?

***is it any wonder poor Jack has such middle child syndrome?

 

Comments

  1. Danielle says:

    What a fabulous idea! Most of us have loads o’ crappy Christmas decor! I love that you’re a Christmas countdown Scrooge. No candy for YOU, kids! Then again, we don’t even have one of those little things with doors… I’m too cheap. :P

    I just found your blog recently. You crack me up!

  2. Wine Cork Jesus is a genius move, Mom…love it!

    The advent thing cracked me up…they’re going to be so pissed when they realize the truth about those little doors!

  3. My birthday is on the 22nd – let’s runaway together and celebrate.

  4. Ange says:

    “Noel” is Christmas in French.

    Sorry, you know me… have to be a know it all.

  5. Mark says:

    Jesus accepts everyone. Even elves.
    m.

  6. Noel is short for NO way in hELl I’m making it through Christmas without liquor.

  7. Tiffany says:

    Why don’t you live next door so we can hang out all the time? Because you’re awesome and just the kind of person I would love to hang out with. (Except your kids couldn’t hang with my kids b/c then they’d know your advent calendar is a SHAM! ;) )

  8. Shell says:

    Baby Jesus as a wine cork totally cracks me up!!!

  9. Omg you are too funny.
    I have all sorts of weird stuff for christmas. My favorite thing though is my little Star Trek shuttle Craft that if you press the button you hear Spock say, “Live long and prosper.”

    I also have some handmade frosty heads…yes just the damn heads that my rats like to chew on. lol

  10. See you Hell, Holly!

    Are you supposed to capitalize hell?

  11. holly says:

    LOL…again I laugh…you are so silly.

    Lets see…I have a reindeer made of wood-he is the ‘father’ and his son, but his son lost a leg so I have to prop him each year. Then I used to have styrofoam balls for frosty heads, with tooth pics dipped in orange for nose, and some eyes…last year all that was hanging was the string…and then I had dried fruit, oranges and apples dipped in wax…they had lasted for quite a few years..until the dogs got hungry and ate them…damn dogs…I just might have to do a post…could be comical. TY

  12. The Advent house is going to be a very rude awakening for your kids someday. ha!

    My daughter’s birthday is on the 17th too!

  13. We don’t even have an Elf on the Shelf. My children are apparently deprived!

  14. Kristin says:

    Noel more popular meaning is Christmas but originally it meant “birthday” or more specifically “first birthday”. So “The first Noel” is actually like a version of happy birthday for Jesus.

    I don’t think you will go to hell for letting the elf hold Jesus. God has a sense of humour just look at penis’s and vanginas, surely he had to have a sense of humour to think those things up.

    We don’t even have an advent calendar so you are one up on us.

    Your birthday is the same as my sister-in-law! Except I may or may not have accidentally sent her flowers to Argentina instead of Australia.

    Merry Christmas

  15. Ally says:

    Wine cork *snort*. And opening the empty advent doors. LOL However, I kind of adore that Abominable Snowman ornament!

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