Peeing Through the Hole

There are so many reasons I love you all…

And one is because you actually care about me…

Or you just wait for me to make an ass of myself and then write about it for your amusement…

Whatever, I’ll take it…

So I’m going to pretend that when everyone left comments on the Spanx post and tweeted me asking if I had managed to pee through the hole it’s because you all wanted to make sure I was, in fact, successful and not a urine ridden wedding guest…

Well, I’m happy to inform you fine folks that this hot mama did not smell like pee at the wedding…I smelled like red wine and the MAC perfume that was lent to me by an old friend…

But since inquiring minds want to know I’ll spill the hole peeing dirt…

It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be…

Not because of the hole…oh no, the hole was perfectly sized and placed for the pee to flow…

But the pee wouldn’t come…nope, no way! My pee was staying in my bladder…

Why? Why wouldn’t the pee come you’re asking? Because you’re not supposed to pee through a hole in your underwear!

I had to talk softly to my pee*.  I had to assure my pee it was okay to come out even though I was still wearing underwear.  I had to coax my pee out.  I had to tell my pee it would really be much happier in the toilet and not dribbling down my thigh as I danced my ass off with my girls…

And finally, success! The pee came!  And after that first time I had no trouble…yay pee!

Are you wondering if it felt funny doing it? Um yes. Yes it did.

Sitting on the toilet with a half full glass of red peeing through your underwear while talking to an old best friend you haven’t talked to in about seven years is definitely one of the oddest things I’ve done in a long time…

And yet, peeing through a hole in my underwear was both liberatingly naughty and fun…

I may start doing it at home just for kicks**…

*maybe a new show? The Pee Whisperer?

**except I’m too lazy to wash the Spanx everyday, so I’ll have to cut huge holes out of my Hanes Her Way… 

Comments

  1. Mark says:

    Oh for the love of God! I’m trying to drink my coffee here!
    Mental Note to self: “Mark, do not eat or drink anything when visiting Holly’s site”.
    m.

  2. Glad it was a success! Mine had crotch snaps so I didn’t have to pee through a hole! ;)

  3. Holly says:

    God, I frickin’ love your blog. Even on my worst days, you can make me laugh. Thanks, friend. ;)

  4. Boobies says:

    I LOVE that you answered this question. now I feel compelled to cut holes in my panties just to see how hard it is to make the urine flow!

  5. Ally says:

    I think my pee would be shy, too!
    The comments ahead of me are freaking hilarious!

  6. Hilarious! The pee whisperer…you’ve found your calling!

  7. Lori A. says:

    Bahahahaha! This one is too good to keep to myself.

  8. Am I maybe just a little tempted to cut holes in all my granny panties for easier peeing?

    Um…

    No.

    (Maybe.)

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