Digging it Out

After I left college and the whole club scene, I figured I was through seeing that many naked asses in a single setting…

I was wrong….enter motherhood…

I have wiped more asses and seen more naked butts running through the house than I’d ever seen before…

But as the children have gotten older and more independent in the bathroom, I’ve been assuming that my ass wiping responsibilities were waning, that Brooke was the only one waiting for a wet wipe to swiped across her bottom…

And then I hear, Mo-om! I need help in here! Seriously, I do!

Wow, coming from Jack*, that can’t be good. I was cringing as I was walking toward the bathroom…

And rightfully so, because this is what I walked into…

Yup…that’s shit stuck in his butt.

Shit. Stuck. In. His. Butt.

Shit that he couldn’t get out…

Shit that I had to dig out! I had to dig poop out of my five year old’s ass, while he laughed at me. He thought it was funny that he couldn’t poop it out…

He called me Super Pooper Mommy.

This is totally one of those things you do as a mommy that no one told you about before kids**…

*because Jack? shits like a man. Like a big man who makes really stinky shit…he must get it from his dad…

**those fucking bastards…they also didn’t tell me that I’d pee on myself when I sneeze, or cough, or walk too fast…

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  1. Kimberly says:

    I haven’t had to dig shit outta my kids butt, BUT the other day, while getting ready for a bath, my 5 year old was getting undressed. I had already gotten her sister in the tub when older child started complaining about how her butt her. I look over to her bent over spreading her butt cheeks at me. I laughed so hard.

  2. Megan Miller says:

    hahahahahhahaa. gotta love being a mom

  3. tania says:

    ewww gross lol ahh the joys of motherhood!

  4. Heather says:

    LOL to funny, my munchkin went through this phase where he would dig poop out of his but while he was in the shower and it would get stuck on his fingers…so he would smear it on the the tub walls. It was GROSS. Anywho I got tired of cleaning it up so he could get CLEAN in the bath so I told him next time he would have to clean it. I guess he didn’t believe because of course he did it again. I made hime clean it up…long and behold he hasnt dont it again since he had to clean it himself… Kids cant live with and cant live with out them.

  5. Krista says:

    Hysterical! Super pooper mommy?!? I love it! And also? Are you freaking serious. I thought since Chessa is showing an interest in potty training, I might soon be done wiping her bottom.

  6. Oh that is just hilarious!

  7. I can sooooo relate….. only I have one who doesn’t always feel compelled to wipe. I think there’s just something about boys……

  8. The “things nobody told you about being a mother” list is quite long and really gross. And many of the things on the list do involve poop.

    I just want to thank you for posting an illustration as opposed to an actual poop photo! :)

  9. Vanessa says:

    I laughed so hard I cried! I love this! I think it’s a boy thing, I really do!

  10. Alexandra says:

    Oh, you are so right.

    Moe naked asses than in college.

  11. Angela says:

    Super pooper mommy – do you get a cape?

    Loved this post -great laugh at potty humor ;-)
    Angela recently posted..ADHD destroyed my birthdayMy Profile

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