I know, you all totally gave up on my fat ass. And I can’t blame you. After my promise to eat better and really really lose the weight this time I didn’t. Instead I bonded with Ben and Jerry, I melded with Betty Crocker, and then all the weight I had lost came back.
But now, I’m happy to tell you, I’m really really going to do it! Oh yes! In fact, I joined a gym. Not only did I join, but I’ve been going five or six days a week. And I’m totally going to keep it up, I love it*, and not only because they have child care and I’m so happy to have a break**.
So why? Why now?
It’s my underwear. They are so freaking hideous and large and unsexy I can’t stand it.
I want to illustrate for this for you…
See? Ariel can use my underwear for a hammock. That’s a big fat ass.
But with my old super cute undies she can barely hang on.
It looks like my (not) new unsexy underwear can eat my skinny girl panties.
And for that I will change my body. I want my sexy underwear back.
And I learned I’m 37% body fat. Seriously. If my body were Disney World, then Animal Kingdom would be all blubber. That’s a whole lot of jiggle***.
But soon it will be gone. You can bet your sweet ass. *love may be a strong word, I kinda sorta like it, but I am excited to not have an ass that has its own zip code
*which I feel badly for the people behind me in Zumba, cuz this jiggle ain’t pretty to the beat of J.Lo