Seeing as how today is Wednesday and I usually post my fat mom* update on Monday I won’t lie to you fine folks, I wasn’t going to update. Why? Because I didn’t lose, I didn’t gain, I didn’t try…but now…
Someone needs to call the goddamned mayor and schedule my ticker tape parade….because this fat bitch? Just exercised!
Yes, I am totally serious. I blew the dust off of the Jillian and popped her into the Xbox.
And now I want to die.
Exercise sucks. That must be why I haven’t done it in, um, forfreakingever…
And exercise sucks even more for a chunky gal like myself…because no matter how tight my leggings are to hold in my fat, I can still feel it jiggling all over the place**.
But today I got a slap in the face at my MOPS*** group. Our speaker was on Dieting by Personality and I was all, ooh-now I’m going to learn the secret of how a chunky overeating bitch who hates exercise should be eating! This is exactly what I need!
Guess what? According to my personality I like second helpings and rich creamy sauces. I’m a social eater. I need to watch calories and portion control. What the fuck? I knew that. And it seems like the other, way less fun personalities really had it better than me…so all snarky I sent out a tweet**** about the meeting and went on my way…
Then I thought about it. She was totally right*****. I do need to watch calories and portion size. That’s how I lost 50 pounds after I had Jack and 35 after Hope. I know this. I just need to implement it.
But chunky gals like to eat…so in comes Jillian…stupid stupid Jillian, with her stupid flat belly and crappy lunges and shittastic ass of steel…
So wish me luck me friends…I’m going to try…but tomorrow night I’m off…it’s my Real Housewives of New York night with my girl Taryn and she makes real popcorn with real butter…
But if I exercise first and eat sensibly all day, then I can indulge…right? Right?
*I got the nicest compliment the other day from Deanna..she said I sounded skinny on The Coffee Klatch…I heart Deanna…
**how freaking sexy am I? I know, please contain yourselves…
***Mothers of Preschoolers, where I routinely drink my weight in coffee with flavored creamer
****you are following me on Twitter, right?
*****you will probably never hear me admit someone else was right ever again, so savor that
Oh how badly I need to diet and exercise. I tell myself all the time that I am going to. I get all the things I need to do it and then….they sit and collect dust. I have no motivation. I don't know why, but I just don't.
Oh,just guess what happened to me this morning! My very good friend,or so I thought,who I have weighed less than for than awhile, (but never said anything about)called me and said,"I have a dress I just bought but I have lost so much weight that it wont fit me.Do you want it?" Oh,yes she did!
Jillian makes me sick,too!
lol. I'm telling you- totally don't believe the fat mom story anymore…just not buying it.
I hate to exercise too. In my way of thinking, it makes me hungrier and therefore makes me eat MORE calories than I'm actually burning.
After Addison was born, I got into doing Zumba-other than all of the jumping bothering my newly weakened muscles, ha, It was amazingly fun…just dancing really. (-:
I hate Jillian but shes right and she knows what shes doing. Bitch.
Today, I received a sample package of NutraSystem that I won from a blog. Well, contrary to other people I liked everything they sent me. And I ate it all in 1 1/2 hrs. It was supposed to be full day of eating meals. Who can survive on 2 cheese raviolis for the entire afternoon? So I ate one of the snacks, the blueberry muffin and it was gooood but the chocolate cookie kept calling me so I ate it, too. They also had Oatmeal cereal squares and I wanted to see if it would be a nice nighttime munching snack so I tried them (all) and Yes it would be good at night watching tv, unfortunately it was only 12:45 in the afternoon. I figured by then I ate the breakfeast, the lunch and 2 snacks so I fixed the Mac, cheese and beef meal. So I picked up the package at noon and was done with the program by 1:30. I don't think speed eating is the idea of the plan.
Yes, why is exercising so completely the LAST thing I ever want to do? Why wasn't I born loving to move?! Maybe my couch is just too comfy?
Go Holly! Go Holly!
And yes, it's the food and the sauces and the crappy lunges that impede weight loss! YOu know that, now go get lean and kick Jillian's skinny ass while you're at it…that chick drives me crazy!
You mean there are people out there who do NOT like creamy sauces and second helpings? What are they, aliens?
The best things in life are fattening. Dammit.
Can you ever imagine someone looking you in the eye and saying "you enjoy small portions, diet food, and shrubbery"? Um, no. That's because those people don't exist in real life.
Bring on the buttered popcorn! YUM.
Well, I do not need to lose weight (I actually need to gain some) but I do need to tighten up and I still need the exercise. I haven't done my Yoga in months. At first, because I didn't have the time (well, I did but I kept convincing myself that I didn't) Now? Yeah. I just dread walking (more like limping) around for a week after starting back up LOL.
BTW, So sorry I have been neglecting you by not visiting. I've just been really busy.
I don't know who this Jillian is but I know I don't like her!
Exercise does suck. Plus, it's against my religion. Or, something.