Not Even I Can Make Public Urination Cool

I used to really be able to take it*…

But a few weeks ago I realized that I’m not longer able to hang….

I never thought of myself as getting older, but the fair proved me wrong…yes, the very same fair that wouldn’t allow ketchup

I’ve always loved thrill rides. Turn me upside down, zoom me along the track, throw me sharply from one side to another…this gal can handle it!

Or so I thought….

Until I got on The Avalanche…

Oh Avalanche, how I despise you…

Let me show you how the ride is…


The circles are the people…and that is us going around and around and around….and then it goes the other way…

Eric was on the ground with Brooke laughing his ass off at me as I gradually got greener and greener…while the three big kids were having a blast…

I just tried to breathe…in and out…in and out….

And when the ride finished I bolted off…and tried to keep my candy apple down…

And I was successful until Eric took the big kids on the Tilt-A-Whirl…then standing there in the middle of the fair I let it go…

All of it….


The throw up was so forceful that I couldn’t help but pee on myself at the same time…

Right in the middle of the fair.

It happened so quickly I didn’t have time to go behind the Headless Woman’s trailer and pee on myself in private…nope, right there where everyone could see was the way it happened…

And then I had to walk around in pee clothes for the remainder of the day…

Veronica was not a happy camper…and neither was I…

I really thought I could handle the rides…but alas I was wrong…

Well played fair….well played….

*and no, I don’t mean up the ass you perverts, that’s always been a no go zone…

No Guns No Ketchup

One of the only reasons I think I keep my kids around is because they amuse the fuck out of me….

Most of the time they’re whining and demanding things like food and drink and thus causing me to hide out in the bathroom with my Kindle Fire begging to be left alone due to bowel issues, but sometimes they really make me laugh…

Like when we took the whole brood to the fair and Blake saw this sign….


It was nothing special, just letting you know what is and what isn’t allowed inside….

But this is what Blake read off to me….

He was baffled….and Eric and I just about fell over laughing at him….

No ketchup….which made Eric and I do a series of improvisations where one was smuggling ketchup in and other was an officer making him drop the ketchup and no one gets hurt….

What have your kids done to amuse you lately?

Where Are My Boobies?

side boobs

Not mine… Let me assure you that my own boobies are firmly resting right by my belly button… Unless your reading this while I’m sleeping, in which case they’re on my sides, since I tend to sleep on my back… So if I’m not talking about my boobs, then whose boobs do I speak of? [...]

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Playing Old School

l1678_fr

I’ll be the first to admit that my kids are little techies. Always wanting to use the computers, the mp3 players, our iPhones, whatever they can get their grubby little hands on… And Brooke, though she’s even three, is the same way…she loves to play the educational apps that I’ve downloaded on my kindle for [...]

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Break Ups and Vaginas

smelly vagina

So it’s obvious that I haven’t been around much… Honestly, I’ve been planning to break up with you… But believe me, it’s not you…it’s me… I’ve just been so tired and stressed and blah blah blah…. We’re going to move into our new house in a couple of months and we’ve been getting the flooring, [...]

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Why Kids Are Assholes-Part Five

Sleep

All I want is to sleep is peace…. All day long my day is filled with requests from the little people that live here…get me milk! I want a banana!  Now can I have a cookie? I’m still hungry, I want a cheesestick. Please play tea cups. Wipe my butt. Scratch my butt. Smell my [...]

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